Thinking ill be rewarded

Recovery
#1

I don't know my next move, and somedays I think I'll be rewarded for being sober. It's probably delusional to think this, but it brings me hope when all my other thoughts are disparaging.

It's such a strange way to think, and it's ultimately unproductive.

I'm a doer, but once annoyances and obstacles pop up, they send me right back into a hopeless mind state even if it's the most menial annoyance.

I received a booking on a pet sitter site and I booked the gig. Then, a half hour later, they get back to me, saying they found someone else.

This small loss brought my energy levels down again. It seems small and trivial, but it affected me in a harmful way regardless of how minute it is in the grand scheme of life.

I'm stuck, and I've been here before. All the solutions I know and are suggested to me, I've already done and while they did help me rebuild in the past, my logical mind asks the question, "why would I rebuild the same way I did before if the whole thing toppled over?"

Any architect would think the same way, and that's what I mean, except it's my life, not a building.

Time also plays an important role in my aggravation and impatience. I am 36 years old, soon to be 37, come August. I don't have the same time as I did in my 20's to "figure things out."

Every second feels wasted right now.

I'm asking, praying, meditating, going to AA meetings, posting on here, and waiting for answers from god, source, or another person who can tell me something I haven't heard or haven't done before, and nothing has been revealed to me yet.

I need a miracle.

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#2

You are the miracle. Your sobriety is your reward.Who knows what might have come of you if you hadn't chosen the path you are on .No one knows what our future has in stock for us but I believe if I keep having faith and working the spiritual principles then things will always work out no matter what.Ive said it before and I'll say it again, my worste day sober is better than my best day was when I was using. I hope things get better for you have faith. You have to believe or ...........

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#3

It's definitely a fine line in what to introduce to your new life and what to exclude when rebuilding a life around SOBRIETY. Keep looking for new fulfilling things to try, and keep pushing through it, you'll find what is meant for you! I'm 46 and started over a few times and this time has been the hardest due to my age, but I'm pushing myself and I know what's meant for me will be there when I'm looking for new people, places, or things!

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#4

That’s right

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#6

You have time. Don’t let the “time factor” trick you into standing still.

Neuroplasticity is real. Your brain doesn’t stay stuck forever. It learns from what you choose right now.

I didn’t always believe that. I let discouragement eat me alive. The self-defeating thoughts had me frozen. I’m old, past my prime, aged, oh myyyyy I had so many excuses. I was so deep in the cycle I started to think, “What’s the point?” And honestly, that kept me in addiction and stuck in recovery way longer than I needed to be.

Self-defeating thoughts I was queen of.

Today I act on better thoughts. I speak life into my days, not just fear. And let me tell you, I’ve gotten farther in 6 years of sobriety than I ever thought possible. If I’d known this 20 years ago, it’d be a whole different story. Hindsight 20/20 But we don’t know until we start.

Try something you haven’t done before, I picked up social media, creating content, who would have thought I’d fall in love with it especially at my age. Your brain is always learning. That’s neuroplasticity. That’s how we break the pattern.

And if you get tired? Rest.
Binge-watch something. Take a break. Pick up a hobby, experiment.

If you could go back, what would you tell your younger self about starting over?

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#7

You’re such a great writer btw…. I wish I could express myself like that on paper. Have you tried therapy or seeing a psychiatrist…. It’s helped me out a lot outside of AA. I was 43 when I got sober so you definitely have time to figure it out.

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