This goes hand and hand with my sobriety and how I came to terms with the fact that I needed to stop destroying my body and running from my problems by numbing out... One of them being the toxic, dysfunctional and traumatic relationship I was in with my ex. Narcissistic abuse is by far ONE of the most devastating things I have to keep continuously working towards overcoming. There are days I wake up and the scars, bite mark, gashes, rope burn that sliced my neck are healed... Bc the body will always heal. My mind and my heart will never fully heal.. I would have taken the physical abuse any day over the verbal... But, the nights with him would determine how much I'd consume... It didn't become fun for me anymore. Drinking was a full on body suit. I'd put on an actual " body suit " wear more clothes I've worn in my whole life to cover up marks and bruises... arm myself with a handle or whiskey and that would be my secondary armor... I am healing gracefully. It's just taking a long time 
it's so hard to wrap your mind around grieving someone that didn't even exist... That personality and traits that you fell madly in love with for years was all just smoke and mirrors... A long con.. narcissists care about 2 things. Their image. Their supply. It's disgusting .. lack empathy and put on a facade that is the partner of your dreams until they pull you in and then years pass... One day your just staring into the eyes of someone you don't recognize .. the perfect and interesting human being you've become smitten over is actually a conniving, calculating, manipulate and sociopathic narcissist. He pathologically lies and actually believes his words. He's a little off his rocker to say the least but, slamming me into the wall screaming at me saying something along the lines of "your my ex wife!" Seeing as I've never met her in my life and I sure as he77 am NOT.... 
Were pretty scary, I wanted to fix him... I thought we had love... After months in and now your confronted with a complete stranger... A hideous, mean, negative, argumentative, needy, selfish, closet addict... He would hear things... Might be borderline paranoid schizophrenic like my grandmother... He would look out my window and worry about the neighbors constantly... a huge burden has been lifted from my shoulders and the proper authorities are involved... I just wish things could have been different... But, one good thing that came out of that atrocity of a relationship is I found my sobriety 
also, was able to get some dope music from him and facade or not I like to think we genuinely had fun and a good time with each other... He's just in need of a lot of help.. don't we all thanks for listening.
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Congratulations on leaving the Abuse and moving on im afraid I may be dealing with a narcissistic partner and it's hard I can kind of relate. Keep up the good work.
I'm proud of you for realizing your worth and beginning your journey of healing. Inspiring to me.
I am glad you got the help needed and escaped that situation. You deserve all the peace and true happiness. One day at a time we all heal from the past trauma.