This is getting hard! I thought the longer i went the easier this would get. I’m starting to see things in my life that I don’t like. Have I been drinking to not see?
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Probably. For me I would drink to numb feelings, blind myself to what I didn’t like, and avoid the uncomfortable. This is where the serenity Prayer comes into play. Once you get to a place where you are at peace with yourself, the rest kinda just falls into place.
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I lost my job! Which is almost funny because i stopped drinking and become a functioning adult and got canned. The other thing is my spouse we have been together for 20yrs. He still drinks but I feel like he’s drinking more or maybe I’m just realizing how much he drinks. The stress from losing my job and his drinking are causing a lot of problems I really don’t know what to do.
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The job loss is sucky… sorry about that. You will find a new one, and you will have a clear mind when you do! As far as the spouse, my wife and I are at 15 years. She still drinks, mostly on the weekends. It used to bother me but now I look at it not as a slight or taunting or trying to make me feel bad. She can have a few, and stop. She can get drunk and not drink for a week. She isn’t alcoholic. She spent over 10 years watching out for me when I was in the grips. I can now watch out for her when she has a few. I owe her that much.
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I had been drinking to avoid things and to numb. Thanks for sharing this bc I’m facing similar realizations. Grateful to see things clearer w sobriety but also need to learn how to process what we don’t like and no longer serves us in a positive way. I’m going to try to work on this w a therapist. Harder than I thought-hang in there!
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My experience was I drank to hide things from myself. Part of getting sober is opening your eyes to it, dealing with the things you ran from, and deciding how you want to move forward.
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I hate to say this but often, it gets worse before it gets better. The key reason for this is like you said you drank to hide the things you didn't like. Now you have to deal with them. Part of recovery is repairing the problems, and growing beyond your reason for using. Don't give up. Keep growing. You can do it.
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Thank you everyone! I love the advice and also knowing I’m not alone.
Hope today is a better day for you!
It's all about one day at a time and sometimes one moment at a time.
I've always like the quote from the Joe and Charlie Big Book Study (if you haven't ever listened to them, I'd suggest doing so, I love it! There are free recordings to download on the internet. "... they (AA group) said if we just don't drink we were going to feel better. Well you're going to feel better alright; you're going to feel resentment better, you're going to feel anger better, you're going to feel a lot of things better. Running around, feeling lousy as h3ll, wanting to feel better..." That is SO true in early recovery and I've found myself slipping back into that when I miss too many meetings or I stray from my daily reprieve.
Proud of you! You take the power away from the bad thoughts when you share them and reach out for help. Keep coming back 
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