This is how I feel

Recovery
#1

About this past Wednesday. Not feeling it as in careless... I must reflect to correct. So what had happened was...

On Wednesday, I relapsed, most would call it a slip up, but when dealing with fentanyl, all it takes is one time. I was reminded of this as I woke up thursday morning in a hospital. The truth is I was trying to inject, and i'm pretty sure the guy who took me to the dope spot took my needles out of my bag. He did not shoot up and we spoke a lot about how stupid that was yet.He knew that was my intent. I thank God that he did. I don't imagine any possibility in which I would have survived injecting that stuff, especially having only shot up once in the past four years.

The five hundred days that I threw away of clean time means little. The trust that I fractured and lives I affected and put in jeopardy are a different story.

I wasn't in my right mind. I was delusional from lack of sleep off and on for weeks.Yeah that's no excuse. Had, I worked the steps more had I worked on my spirituality, harder, my mental health and my sobriety, I imagine this could have been avoided.

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#2

Glad you’re alive. Work your steps and stay close to the rooms. It’s the only thing that’s ever worked for me.

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#3

Yes, and Im learning that. Truth is, I know it. Delerium is no joke. Just thankful to still be in the fight, to be able to tell my (grown) kids the whole story vs. what comes through the Grapevine. Happy no one was physically hurt and no lives were destroyed. Thursday I was released and within hrs crazy ah all over again. I imagine it was detox as much as the pain and lack of sleep but not sure and dont care to "investigate"

#4

Hey Josh, I’m glad you’re here brother thank you for sharing. We love you brother. Keep your head up. The fight is not over yet.

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#5

Wow. Glad you’re here :pray::pray:

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#6

First, I’m glad you made it back. That’s not a guarantee at this stage of the disease. Relapses or slips can serve to propel our recoveries to another level. Obviously you were doing some things right in order to stay clean and sober for 500 + days. Just as obvious, something was lacking or you started slacking off on your program. I appreciate you sharing your story. I had a similar experience of not working a spiritual program of recovery. I paid a steep price, but I’m happy where I am today. You can do this ODAAT

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#7

Brother, It pains me to read this post though also it is a relief to know where able to see the next day.
You have the know how but always remember to ask for the WILL in your prayers. Please keep reaching out and you are in my prayers.

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#8

Thx brother. I imagine it does. Pretending it didnt happen serves no purpose however. Im back on track and more experienced than ever before. Thank you. I have been praying a lot. Not enough and NOT for that will. Honestly, I thought that was behind me, till it wasnt.
Im not going anywhere and God will see through the work He began in me.

#9

Yeah. The spiritual side was slacking. The recovery side even. This will no doubt propel me forward and Im really blessed to have a great support team here and locally. Working the spiritual part of the program is definitely what helps me the most. That, I dont believe I realized before this happened.

#10

Not even close. R-r-r-round threeeee!

#12

Welcome back! I'm glad you're alive!! Many of us aren't that blessed. If I hadn't placed my sobriety over everything else (including my children) and gotten into the steps with a sponsor, I doubt I'd still be alive. The 12 steps, and the men and women of AA, saved my life. It works 100% of the time if you work it.

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#13

I am glad as well. I haven't felt so alive in a long time and I have so many to thank for that. Here is to day ones!!!

Here, here

#14

Of this I've no doubt. And yes, I understand. I lost a brother to the same fate before I entered rehab. Truth is, nothing was right in my head. All day I was good. Pain was unbearable but I was good with it. All of the sudden the dull became sharp, an 8 became a 10 and I didnt want to hear the voices that tell me evil, suicidal garbage so I thought I would get a jump on it and quiet them before they came...

I heard them anyway the next day. All day long as I detoxed and walked what would normally be the 3x impossible given my conditions. Just glad to be back at it.

#15

How are you doing today, brother?