This is my story I need to share and was told I have to share :Gm my everyone...i knew God put us in each others path for a reason. I been battling staying clean. I was part of NA and was doing great from weed. Dont laugh cause boy was I addicted. But I came to realize I can get addicted to anything that make me feel greater than my reality of my life does. So anyway life was great I had my own apartment, my 2 babies, attending college and working 2 jobs. The very guy that I truly believe was the love of my life and soulmate was not. He actually was the DEVIL in disguise. In the beginning he was everything to me and to my kids. He was so perfect to us and for us. But you know I truly learned that everything that seem soooo good and Glisen like diamond is totally not what it seems. It is not good for me at all and its a bag of bricks not diamonds. I say this because of him being an addict himself and not give me a choice to choose to be one like he didnt have really just made me one was soooo messed up in sooo many ways . I battle with this because its just like being rape by someone taking your power of choice away from you which is such a priceless gift from God is the worst that can ever happen and will destroy a person. But as every addiction is was wonderful and fun in the beginning. Until things started spiraling out of control. And thanksgiving morning 2017 is when I admitted this is a problem. Yes I broke up with him. But recovering wasnt nowhere near started. I just admitted to another human being (him) not myself or my higher power. You know why cause insanity kick in and my beast (addiction) told me that he was the problem. I can really enjoy because a dime at this point will really be a dime and not a fifty. But recovery sure dont work that way and again Ive learn the hard way. I end up losing everything jobs, school and kids that at the end of it all I had to run away from my crib to a whole another state. But sure enough my addiction and problems followed because another thing I learn you take you every where. Oh yes I had the want and desire to get clean cause I finally admitted to myself at this point but still not no higher power. So my life was still unmanageable so I was in and out of rehabs and the rooms. But I wasnt doing the work nor getting to the exact nature of things and life keep showing up cause time stops for no one and neither did I. Man I smoke everytime. I wont even say I relapse no more cause I had to truly recover first and thats something I never did. I just stop for while until things got hard or unbearable and Im back on the race track going nowhere fast. So I had decide to come back to NyC not run from things deal and handle head on. But boy did my addiction grow over time and the lifestyle was no longer fun was actually becoming very dangeous. That I admit to God that I need help. Man i begged him even at times call myself making deals with him. To think about it he actually was making deals with me cause I should have been dead many times but he pull me thru. I was doing so good I started working again was back in school enjoy life without drugs I even met you while I was working and new there was a bigger purpose of us meeting but didnt exactly knew why. But I never dealt with any of my problem, issues nor how My life end this way. I just buried, blocked and ran from the hard and painful part of my reality and when it didnt work or i cant hide run or ignore I got high because I dont know how to deal, accept, let go and move on. But i know just for today I dont want to get high yes I have the desire to get high but im not reacting on it just for today. I appreciate you getting to know me and becoming my friend that I can share my story with you and you can help me get where yall at years clean.
2 Likes
Keep a positive attitude let the days build. Be proud of yourself for what your doing and don't give up.
One day at a time! There is a life for you without addiction!
Hi Porshia - thanks for sharing your story. I was in and out of NA for years, over 50 white key tags worth. It did not change for me until I sat down and did the 12 steps like my life depended on it, which it did. What that did was restore me to sanity. There is no shame in coming back to the rooms. Very few people walk into a NA meeting and don’t relapse. And those that do are lucky, bc they weren’t as sick as me. There are different degrees of sickness and different rates of recovery. Be you, move forward, and you can do it!