Whoa, thank you so so much for this!!! I have a lot to pick out of this and look into.. you must know how much worth it has to pass something like this on for us and not just hold onto it and it’s GREATLY appreciated!
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I have also been struggling with something similar. I heard an interview this past week with Rabbi Danya Ruttenberg. She recently published a book called On Repentance and Repair. In it, she explains why our typical American and modern approach to apology and forgiveness often isn’t enough to achieve real repentance for harm we have caused others. Typically, when we apologize and seek forgiveness to move on, we are giving the victim of harm all of the work. There are other steps we should take before we can sincerely apologize and be forgiven. The person who inflicts the harm needs to do the work of repentance and repair. I would recommend reading her book or at least look into it. I think it articulates what victims of harm need from us to better recover and regain their trust.
In fact, i was so inspired by what I heard that I started reading the book the day after hearing her interviews and have started a book club to inspire me to finish reading it and so I can talk about it with friends. I have 8 friends already on board from all over the US who have signed up. We are gonna meet over zoom on January 15th. Send me a DM if you are also interested.