This morning sucks. I’m so tired of trying to use coping strategies & using every bit of energy I have just to accomplish simple daily tasks. “Oh, it’ll get better. It’ll get easier. It’s worth it.” All of that doesn’t really help in this moment. Sometimes, I don’t even feel like I can be angry because then, I’m not being “positive.”
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Something you just want to say F it all and not be all sunshine and rainbows and positive affirmations don't always help when you're armpits deep in stuff. You do you and feel what you want to feel. Think what you want to think. The important thing is we don't always act on our thoughts and feelings. If we did the environment of which we have created and call civilization would be more wacky than it already is. It okay not to be all rainbows and glitter sometimes it good just be like f it all but still not f ing up.
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Some days are just like that. It's great that you're posting and getting it out there. Keep expressing it in forums or meetings or just simple conversations with people you trust. Just shoot the sh*t with people today.
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When you remove alcohol from the alcoholic, you're left with ic. Working a sobriety program allows us to work through all that icky stuff.
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Part of getting better is being angry and not positive. It’s not all rainbows and unicorns. It’s embracing the bad times too. Know that it is impermanent. Some days it just is to is.
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Those are the days that make your recovery strong.
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I was surprised, once I removed the numbing effects of alcohol from my life, how much anger I had. I was a little alarmed in fact because I don’t feel like an angry person on the whole. I’ve come to realize through talking with others in sobriety and at meetings that all of these feelings I have stuffed down inside me for so long must come out. Sometimes the anger I’m feeling in the moment about some thing that may seem benign, might just be deep rooted anger left unchecked bubbling to the surface because now I have a “reason”. I’m trying to learn to feel all of it and sit with all of it whether it’s pleasant or unpleasant. Life is not always pleasant. The only thing we can control is our reaction and response to it. Guided meditations have helped me so much. That is how I have been trying to learn coping skills and the days I don’t meditate I feel more reactive. You are not alone I just wanted to let you know that!
This post is so awesome and brutally honest. I’m starting over with my sobriety, so this response will NOT be Dalai Lama esk. What is keeping me in a different head space to date is taking inventory on why? Why I feel in my mind an option that I know will lead to my destruction, is better to me than what comes with sobriety? And every time I give it real thought, I get brought back to reality. My life gets 10 times more fucked every time I come down off my high. It’s been keeping me mentally and emotionally, because I’m still currently cleaning up after myself from my last binge.
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This is real sometimes
I have those days and then try to put on my rose colored glasses, and think what the heck, but I am tired of picking myself up and starting all over again, so I try hard to stay sober one day at a time. No more late night trips to the ER for me!