Clean time vs not clean time the difference is I’m not serving time. Using there is a prison guard that demands my body mind and soul and dictates when I sleep, if I can eat. It takes me away from what I love. The people I love.
Drugs stole peope away from me also. Twisted their minds , makes them beleive I am the enemy because I am the truth standing between them and the chemical controlling them. Even if i genuienly dont care and accept that they are using, im I’m cool with it, not trying to get them to quit - becasue I’m not on it - IT the stuff will view me as a hostile enemy that needs to be gotten rid of even if the persons emotions are not in alignment with that. The chemicals steal time which is life and override love. Every TIME. What seems like cruel vicious attacks from an addicted love one is the chemical demanding its time trying to get rid of obstacles.
Clean time becomes a source of freedom and choice. Or the Devo song Freedom of choice I’m not sure. I just know theres no manufactured dictator forcing me to go anywhere or do anything besides my actual physcial body needing food (which I find annoying ) and my mind needing a lot of things. Love is a whole other topic. I have no problems dishing it out. To the ones I love who maybe loved me at one time but have fierce addictions , I know the chemical dictator hates me and any lashing out at me is coming from that and not the person employed by it. I told someone if an addicted Beth is yelling crazy person stuff at you, youre not fighting with Beth, youre fighting with meth , meth Beth and you wont win. They get their dopamine and oxytocin from a different source and you are in the way. Love from a far and dont take it personal. Have no expectations but I dont give up on people.
Coffee is more or a local politican I vaguely get along with who has lenient views and provides enough postivie benefits for the community that we can tolerate but ultimately shouldn live without. In the political areana of addictive life controlling substances coffee is like an anarchist collective. Could be snobby and give you a headache or could be inspirational. It could take place with a buncha rich snobs over complicating things, damaging the earth, exploiting workers or it could be the opposite. The outcome should be positive it couldn be staight up real deal or entirely ignored. Either way I am gateful that I am alive and not in need of substances that could kill me and warp my perception of literally everything. I am sad that a host or chemicals separate others from me but amazed that I suffered out the most unfathomably chaotic and painful seperation from my chemical dictators and I have no emotions besides a mild annoyance about the coffee I need. This is my first post I hope someone enjoys it .
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