Feelings arenāt facts. Why does my partner of seven years always seem to assume the worst of meā¦?
Iām feeling misaligned this morning, andā¦.really grateful that this isnāt triggering the need to drink.
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"Feelings aren't facts". Absolutely. Careful saying that around here. There are many that believe their feelings to be the law of the land.
Ya know, I am gonna be 50 this year. I got sober almost a year ago. So there were at least 30 years of being a drunk junkie scumbag trail of destruction to deal with, wreckage of the past. Some people are going to accept my amends, some are gonna tell me to fĆ¼ck off. Sometimes the damage we do is unable to be healed or sometimes it just takes more time. Maybe your partner just needs more time with you being solid to get the memories of the bad shĆÆt behind them.
I totally get where you're coming from though. Don't let it get you down, hang in there.
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Thanks Taylorā¦this was just a dumb lesbian misunderstanding lol. Iāve been sober for over two months and my partner went back to drinking three weeks ago.
After seeing how it affected her sleeping, she decided not to drink in March, but the alcohol is still in her system and in skews her thinking.
Im trying to give her the space to process her feelings, and give myself the space to feel temporarily infuriated and to breathe.
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Wait, are lesbian misunderstandings different than straight dude misunderstandings??? This is fascinating haha
Yeah it's okay to be pissed off. Don't tamp that shĆÆt down, you'll eventually go off in a really unhelpful way....So we gotta be pissed off without making things worse.
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Not sure but thatās ok too? Donāt feel bad about it ā-maybe itās something heās going thru too as wellā-
So just be a light anyway, show him that sunflowers Shine and are set apart from other flowers just for this reasonā¦
And he married a sunflower not a rose!!! Just sayingā¦
Hope it helps
Sobriety sister
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I love this!!
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I call it the āDanceā. Over time we adopt patterns (steps) that we fall into and patterns we assume our partner will fall into. We build up narratives in our heads about what they think of us and what they expect from us. Everyone experiences it. One of our primal survival techniques is pattern recognition. Example, is that a bear in those trees? Sh*t I donāt know but I aināt waiting around to find out! I digress. Until someone is brave enough to recognize it in the moment and take the unexpected step, nothing changes. Just continuous cycles of patterns and misunderstanding, and getting eaten by bears. Point is, someone has to take the bold step until the Dance changes. So the question is, do you want to Waltz this life away or add some salsa? I donāt know but Iām starting to get hungry. Good luck and lead with love!!
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Thanks, Brandon
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Thanks, Denis.
You are absolutely right when you say that feelings are not facts. I'm not a marriage counselor and I don't know your personal situation. I only know that we can't change people. We can only change the way we respond to people and their actions.
If your husband or someone is not trusting you, you'll have to give time, time.
I was sober for 3 years before my parents wanted me coming around. That was 2006. Today we have a great relationship.
Just keep doing what you're doing and everything will balance itself out.
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Just keep moving forward!
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Feelings are facts to the person feeling them but to not open up to explanation or clarification is very disheartening. Happy youāre not tempted to drink to cope but maybe remove yourself from the environment until you are able to express yourself and your partner is willing to be open minded through a productive conversation.
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Perhaps itās time to move on. Two alcoholics together with very little sobriety will usually never work thatās just my experience on this.