Early on in sobriety can be very challenging. I can remember when I got sober. I had to sleep for 16-18 hours a day for the first 5 days. Then the next 2 days I was able to stay up for what felt like 8 hours. On the 8 day I was able to drive myself to Kasier mental hospital and check myself in to their IOP program for chemical dependency. IOP stands for Intense out patient. This was the first real step towards my recovery. I had admitted defeat! I was broken, hated, tossed to the curb and confused. My life was upside down. Just that sentence has me tearing up.
The next couple weeks were miserable. Fighting with my dad. Dealing with raw emotions. Listening to others share in group. I was selfish in group. I wanted all my stuff back. I can say that because I was determined to figure out the “why” all this was happening to me, I was able to really be honest with everyone in group and to myself. That was the key to me staying sober early on.
I did 47 days of treatment. Going to different groups. Learning about my childhood traumas and helping others in group by being open about what’s going on in my past and present life. However, that all may sound like it was going well, it wasn’t internally. I was a wreck. Crying in the shower, on the way to and from group. I felt like I didn’t deserve to live.
I had to go away. To put the fast pace of life in slow motion. I went to a residential treatment house. It was there where I found God (at that time I called God GUS which stands for Great Universal Spirit), fell in love with the Big book of Alcoholics Anonymous, and dealt with some childhood trauma through brain spotting.
When I got out that pink cloud was on point! I felt like a new man! Had to go group at Kaiser as part of them giving me the 30 residential treatment. I was in fire. Ready to fix everyone in group. 
25 months later and I’m still sober, working full time, going to AA meetings, working the steps, have a sponsor, sponsoring other men, meditating, and most of all keeping and open mind about life. If recently started going to church and attending Bible study as an added bonus to strengthen my sobriety.
I still feel lonely. I get angry. I do dumb things from time to time. I get to rebuild relationships with the ones I harmed. I get to show up for those who are new to sobriety.
Letting go my past and accepting that I’m an alcoholic and can never safely drink or use drugs again.
So for those who are new, easy does it. I’m slowly getting my life back. And in actuality I’m getting a better life because of my sobriety. Your rock bottom might not look like mine but we share the same common solution to our disease.
Be patient with yourself. Find one thing you can work on in your life and go after it. Then find another one. And another. Keep growing spiritually. Then in a few short months or years you can help others and share you experience. That’s the ultimate golden ticket to sobriety.
Stay sober to today. Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow may not be here. So live today with humility and compassion for all things earth.
