Today has been extremely tough. Had a dream about

Recovery
#1

Today has been extremely tough. Had a dream about my DOC. Woke up. Sought advice. Got some. Also, I got a lot of "do a better job." From someone who barely knows me and what I deal with. They care, I know they do. Just ain't helping right now.

I don't like new people and new relationships bc I have to explain my situation all over again to people who will prayerfully never come close to understanding.

I don't want to use but yet I feel like 3yrs progress is quickly unraveling inside of my head. Seems like it could potentially be the onset of a burning desire, idk.

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#2

Hey Josh, I’ve been there brother I don’t know it sucks waking up and feeling like you just lost everything but the beautiful thing is remember the pain you felt in your dream chasing or whatever misery was within that dream. That’s how I’ve got through my tough times waking up dreaming about my DOC.

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#3

Yeah it's not as much the dream as it is that my attitude has just been cr@p. My knee injury has kept me out the gym for going on 2 weeks and that has a bit to do with it, additionally been mourning my BIL loss a few yrs back for reasons unknown. Just a whole lot of negativity from all directions all at once and all the while was trying to build on this new relationship but having 2nd thoughts that all stem from the low self worth that comes with the pain and depression.

#4

You don't have to explain shït until you're comfortable and in a safe spot to do so.

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#5

I have been going inside lately w meditation and breath work (wim hof on you tube only 8 min). It helps.

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#6

I will check it out, JD. Thank you

#7

Try to remember, this thing is patient. I can actually sabatoge my own recovery by thinking I'm gonna pick up. I've done it many times. One time I caught myself "THINKING", "God already knows I'm gonna use, so what the heck", and just that simple, BAM!! Another relapse. Keep reaching out no matter how uncomfortable it seems and feels. It's a liar. Just don't pick up. This too shall pass. Prayers for your brother, love you.

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#8

That is a very good point. It really is that easy to fall back into. The good news is I'm over it, for now at least, but absolutely I will continue to reach out anytime I have even the slightest urge. I have to. 1 relapse is all it takes and no more Josh. No more "Dad." My kids deserve so much better than that. I do too for that matter. And thank you brother, I love you too!

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#9

I get ya on the ,"do a better job" thing. Sounds like you already know to just remember the person means well and isn't trying to patronize you.

The good news is if you keep up on the protein you shouldn't lose much muscle mass. Try to do exercises that don't involve your knee. Good luck man!

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#10

Right on. Thanks for the tips and yes, I do realize that and will keep that in mind. All is well now. Definitely avoiding knee exercises for a few more weeks at minimum.

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