Today is day 1 after I hit bottom. I grew up with parents who had alcohol problems, one a sleepy drunk and the other a mean drunk. My mom was emotionally abusive and that voice has become my inner voice in my head. My dad was my hero and lost his life to health complications related to his continued abuse of alcohol. I started drinking about 3 months before he died when his health began to seriously decline. My husband and I got married 2 weeks ago and we've been together 13 years with 2 kids? 6 and 4. I told him after the wedding I didn't want to drink anymore so the handle of crown we had he put on top of the wine rack out of reach. Yesterday I wanted something and didn't want him to see me and judge so I climbed up on the counter to take a sip of it up there. My daughter saw me and told him a few hours later and he felt lied to. We just discussed me being healthy to try for another baby and now I can tell he feels like he can't trust me and doesn't think I'm in the right place to have another child. I feel shame, disappointment and just gross. I didn't need to sneak it but I also didn't want to be caught in a lie. I've struggled with controlling it and I don't know how to stop until I can't remember things. I hope the support of this group can help me get through this phase and move into a healthier phase of life mentally and physically.
There is no judgment here. I had been sneaking it for two years before I decided that today I will not drink. I want to tell you first…. GET IT OUT OF THE HOUSE. Your husband needs to know this is a disease and his anger at you is not helping. That one day at a time “stuff” is true. You have to make the decision everyday I will not drink today. With me sometimes it is hourly that I have to make that decision because of my triggers. Keep reaching out and find a meeting AA or similar. You are not alone. Sorry for rambling 
You already made the first step in getting sober… you are seeking help and answers. I agree with Pam, get the alcohol out of the house, get to a program of some sort. Right now you just need to be kind to yourself. Don’t get caught in a pity party. The obsession can be calmed if you put the work in. The app “meeting guide” gives you all the meetings and times for AA in your location. It’s free and a great resource.
Thank you for this. It makes me feel not so lonely and like other people experience this too.
Get it out of the house!
Megan welcome to Loosid! We are glad you’re here! My condolences to you and your family for the loss of your dad.
I too hid my addiction from my wife. Now I’m divorced. But because I found and became 
willing to do the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, I can tell you my life is so much better. Nit easier, better.
Honesty, willingness and open mindedness is what’s needed to begin. To gain the trust back of your husband and family one has to show action and consistency. For me I stopped talking about what I’m going to do and just started doing it. My action spoke loud and clear. This takes time. You are probably feeling like you want it all now. Patience is what I had to and still em learning. I didn’t become an alcoholic over night! It’s going to take time and effort to rewire our brain 
.
That's a very well-written story, Megan. There are countless AA meetings online via the free Zoom app. There you will hear 100's of stories similar to yours and maybe some which are very different. AA, and NA, are both well over 50 years old are are proven. Today I have 4 years and 8 months off heroin and alcohol. I have a sponsor, a support group and a service commitment. Did I mention that they’re free. Oh, and welcome! Congratulations on your time. 
Megan - pick yourself up it’s ok.. Many of us on here have been there done that! For me AA was and is the answer as I continue to work on my sobriety…
You need to take it one 24 hour period at a time. Your husband and all sorts of people will judge you but that’s out of your control and you can’t change that! Focus on you and only you and you will succeed one day at a time..
Get into a program as soon as possible.
I’m right with you Megan. People always say not to be so tough on ourselves. It’s been 3 years of misery and I need to figure this out or ride my health is gong to be an issue/ I’m divorced 2 kids 11-7 for me it’s tough being alone. I fall
Apart. I wish you well-seems like I’m always praying to god but I can never get it down.
You got this
I have been exactly where you are and understand. Laura Mckowens book “We Are The Luckiest” and her online program and resources are highly relatable, helpful, and affordable. I read this book over and over. You are so not alone!!!