Today is the first time I've been having thoughts off and on all day about using. I know it's because I have told my girlfriend I can't be with her when she is stiil using. I miss her company so much. I know all the things I've been told to do but why bother when I know that my feelings aren't going to change.I want her back and I'm not going to lie about it, I don't even care if she keeps using. I love her and I've always said I would love her unconditionally and now I'm walking away from her. I'm so confused and hurting right now.What should I do?
2 Likes
I'm in the same place as you. I am so in love with my ex, he is/was my best friend. I miss him so much. I wake up ar 3:30am, thinking he is there and he isn't. I love him unconditionally as well, nothing he has done can stop this.
I don't love the things he does and says when he is drunk. With space I find I forget how hurt I can get and only remember the good things.
He is still drinking a lot and its hard to see because I want him in my life so much! I try to remember I tried already to be patient, to forgive but it did nothing. Truth is I do not have the power the universe or highet power has to bring people to a healthier place. So all I can do is put my faith in a higher power, and humble myself and stop thinking there is anything to control the one I love.
I totally hear you. I hope you find some comfort and companionship in another way. I hope this for myself too.
2 Likes
Ronald I’m not trying to be insensitive here but does she love you enough to quit using? Has she really tried? She needs to take some action or she still loves the DOC more than you - not fair to you - you are sober and working so hard on this - YOU deserve more - lead by example - who knows, she may decide you are more important and if not, you need to have a plan and support for that too - best of luck - you are doing great 
4 Likes
Thank you friends I know what I need to do it's just hard and I wanted to vent.god bless you all
1 Like
I know it hard I had to do the same walk away from someone I loved because they wanted to continue using when I was on my own path of sobriety and it was so hard I missed him and I prayed for him and thought about him all the time and I wanted to go back and just be with him but I knew it would suck me in and I had to give tough love and show him I am was strong and 14 months later after me continuing my walk of sobriety 3 months ago he started his journey of sobriety and we had to grow on our own before we came back together and now listening to him talk all about his journey and actually happy and working his steps he is even surprises me now with all his wisdom he is learning makes me want to dive even deeper and it was hard waiting for him to want to do right and it took time but it happen even when I thought it would never happen .
1 Like
Thank you for giving me hope.
First.
Off, let me say congratulations. I'm still reminding clean the sober. Secondly, I must tell you that the heart wants. What the heart wants, but it's not always what we need in our lives because we are struggling to stay clean from drugs and alcohol. It remains the same that our hurt small change. And since she won't change for you and for the love that you have for her. Maybe you should just walk away. And give her A's change and fault. Let her miss you, let her know what she has without you. And maybe that'll changed her mind or her heart if you really love her like you say you did give a automatum and see where it goes from there. But you have to stand firm and you have to set boundaries. Stay strong here if you need me
Good luck it’s hard loving for anyone we as addicts must guard our clean time like it’s the most important thing in our world because it’s is that important.
Thank you I'm going to try that once again I've given in a few times now. I have been getting stronger though I'm not giving up on my sobriety.
Im doing my best to stay on track thank you and even know its hard to do its not going to bring me back to the way I was before .
Thank you your absolutely 
right
Proud of you Ronald. This is not easy but it’s one of the highest acts of self love. It will take time to heal but going back and forth will only delay your healing and most likely your recovery. When I went through this I kept reminding myself that if it’s confusing it’s not meant for me! Hope this helps. Keep up the good work on yourself, it will get easier. Stick with people going the same direction as you. Prayers and much love we support you 
Thank you
1 Like
It’s perfectly normal to have all the feelings you’re experiencing. Sometimes we have to love people from a distance to protect ourselves. You have to put yourself first
Detach with love. Hate the disease and not the person. Prayers for you both!
Thank you for your advice you are all right I'm trying.
1 Like
How’s the battle going today?
Im still sticking to my boundaries and she is going back to detox but I'm not having any expectations anymore.If she sticks it out great and if she doesn't well I know I'm still going to be ok.I love her and pray for her though.