I'm having a rough day today. I can't stop dwelling on everything I once had. My life was boarding on almost perfect
- i need a holistic life to be happy and once I was clean, i was able to get into gear and prioritize what I needed to do to fulfill my happiness and live my best life ever.
After 2 years sober, I had many slices of my personal pie chart under my belt. The great career, the great boyfriend, the great house, the great business, the great community, the great sponsor, the great hobbies, and the great attitude.
The final 2 pieces to my pie chart were on their way to being fulfilled.
But everything unraveled. I lost it all. I'm still baffled. I wish i could say how or why i lost it all, but i tried everything to save the beautiful life i built for myself. It rapidly fell away in about 1 year and 6 months after I almost had most of what i wanted in life.
I'm writing this right now in a twin sized bed in my mothers spare room in an entirely new state (NJ) with none of those things I worked so hard to have. The one thing i still have is my sobriety, and today, sobriety doesn't feel like enough.
It doesn't feel like enough, and i feel confident in saying that. I feel like i should be proud of myself for being sober, but i dont feel like giving myself a gold star for it. Sometimes, I cringe at the fact my social life has been reduced to AA meetings. I guess I should be grateful for them...its hard being grateful after so much loss. If i didnt have them, things would be worse, and thats the best mindset I can give in this post at the moment.
I am happy I'm exercising the one thing i have absolute free will over in my life currently, and that is not putting an alcoholic beverage in my body.
I hope my life picks up again and it doesnt take another 2 years to rebuild what Ive lost - i also hope things are even better than they were and that they last this time.
<3
and then some. Thank you for sharing … it will definitely help others who are going thru similar circumstances