Today was hard for me. I feel like I’m not

Struggling Help
#1

Today was hard for me. I feel like I’m not doing enough but I know I am. I’m scared and I feel alone- which I know I’m not alone. I don’t know why I’m feeling so down and out but I do know I don’t want to use. I don’t have any desire for drugs and that I know. My depression is kicking my a** today and my addiction is loving it. my own head is my enemy tonight and I just need some peace and serenity. I’m so close to my 60 day sober, I have a interview for a job tomorrow- like I should be excited for these things and I cannot bring myself to be. recovery is hard, there’s no getting away from my addiction I know this. I’ll always be a addict but I make the choice everyday to be a recovering addict instead of going back out- WE ALL make that choice. I just need to keep a constant vigil on my recovery and not get complacent but y’all I’m feeling scared. I’m not scared of relapse as much as I’m just downright scared of my own thoughts. dreams at night keep me from a good nights rest, my thoughts keep me from being fully myself and happy, my addiction keeps me anxious and depressed, unstable and afraid. I talked to my sponsor today for a good while, she tells me I’m doing what I need to be doing but my addiction tells me I’m not, it tells me I’m not worthy or important. I refuse to listen to my own head because I know it’s not me who’s talking- but it’s terrifying. I need to get my a** to a meeting tomorrow. I need serenity, love and some peace in my head. thanks for listening. praying for each and every one of you individuals who are fighting this same battle with me. dual diagnosis is no joke - and addiction alone is no joke either. I’m strong, you all are strong. We gotta keep fighting, keep pushing and striving for a good, healthy and sober lifestyle that we all long for. well wishes :heart:

8 Likes
#2

I understand the feelings. I tend to overthink think things myself. Stand in my own way. I have been learning to not be so hard on myself. Not take things so seriously or critically. I am trying to catch myself before I let the negative thoughts just run free.
Well wishes to you as well!

1 Like
#3

I can relate to what you said but you are doing your best by not being alone in this!

1 Like