Tomorrow will be another day one. Maybe. I don’t feel worthy of a sober life. It doesn’t matter anyway.
You are worthy! It's not easy. We just have to be willing..
If you want it, it matters. You matter. Sending positive vibes your way Rachel. 
we' are all an arms length away from a drink or drug, nothing is guaranteed, not even sobriety. but for me, i have to want it and in my experience I have to work for it! 
I sware I felt this way just two weeks ago . I kept starting over and over . Today is 8 days for me and I almost think I feel like I don’t even want to go back to ice & alcohol and I was a heavy user of both until recently . U can do it too
I was like this 2 years ago. Went to crisis center for a week ( horrible), psych ward another week, then finally rehab for a month. At the time I felt like it was making me worse. In hindsight it actually made me better. I saw people in way worse situations than me get better. I felt like if they could get better then so could I. I also realized I was in my own head way too much. I learned to let go and let someone else drive the boat. I had been doing it my whole life and it wasn’t working. So don’t give up. You owe it to yourself to get help.