Tonight I saw a fellow addict who is coming back to the rooms. She lives two blocks from me. I’ve seen her struggle so much. I had to distance myself because I can’t be around active addiction. I met her in February. Today she told me she looks up to me. That is so odd to hear for me. She seems to have her life together more than me in different ways, her own place. Her own car, etc.
I could see pain in her eyes. It was just A surreal experience. We went to a meeting tonight. It was my 400th meeting. I have been keeping track the best I could, since last year. It’s an OCD type thing maybe but my memory is so bad that I need to write it all down. It hurts, worrying about someone in active addiction. She could die. I don’t want that. I hope I can stay her friend. I hope she stays alive. So many feelings. Sorry if this was confusing to follow. Enjoy my stream of consciousness. 
