This last week I was suspended from the halfway house program for 3 days because of very poor decisions and a short, but nonetheless relapse. I was addicted to very strong and dangerous street drugs for many years and became homeless...caring only to get high and eventually die pretty much near the end. I've been sober for over 6 months, due to large amounts of stress & dealing w 9 other female roommates (I'm not used to dealing w roommates period...let alone 9 other newly sober addict females in a tiny house). Since I was addicted to the street life for some time, I'm used to handling issues in a very aggressive, physical or intimidating manner & I obviously cannot do that here...) as much as I'd like to at times. My tolerance level for people especially drama BS is not very high and there's one woman in particular that I continue to have major issues with. We do not get along despite my many attempts to at least make it co-existable for myself and the rest of the house. She's yelled at me on at least 5 or more occasions, is irrational, intolerant, racist, derogatory and I believe suffering from a more serious personality disorder....as my education and work experience as a case mgr for people w similar issues has me to truly believe a diagnosis is valid, but I am not here as a therapist etc., which isn't always easy. Being on the other side of the desk so to speak. She pulled out the waterworks and put on a lifetime performance blaming my relapse on the demise of the house & has the entire group almost believing her perception & feeling sorry for her. It is very very uncomfortable. I am sick of being her scapegoat and punching board. I have gone to the office and spoken w them about it. She's making my life as much H.E.L.L. as possible as she warned me one day "this is war" verbatim. It has been something like that. And even w my knowledge and strong mental and emotional coping skills, it is very very uncomfortable for me. Very. I have journals of her behavior, spoken to therapists strictly bc of this and am even at times concerned what she's truly capable of.... she's done a lot of damage in my personal life and I am about fed up. I don't know what to do from here. She glares at me literally, makes comments under her breath, and cannot contain her anger towards me. Let alone rudeness and who knows what else. I need the strength to get thru this. Most people here are believing her manipulations and pointing fingers at me as though I am some heartless awful human being for a relapse and mistake as an addict, w very poor decisions. Any advice please. I don't even really know that I'd want her kicked out if brought to mgmt because I don't want her carrying a grudge for longer. But I can only be Soo strong. I pay to live here too and bc of her I am uncomfortable and miserable at times. I've let the office know, the house managers and others and it just makes it look as though it's still me w a personal vendetta. Any help or advice please. I don't want to leave here but idk what to do at this point.
Pray, pray and pray 
on it and believe what you for it shall come to pass. It's is written and Yah(God) cannot go against his word, he will smooth your path and comfort you while he's at work in your life. Hope this helps be blessed.
I can feel the weight in your words. You’re in a tough spot right now but if you focus on the most positive part of this… it’s that you’re sober, you have a roof, bed, food and you take a lesson away from the relapse. What not to do next time.
I know the feeling of being on the edge of something I couldn’t name, just tired, overstimulated, and not sure what to do next. Dealing with others especially other newly sober people can be challenging when emotions are high. One thing that helped me (and a lot of us in early recovery) was learning how to regulate my nervous system, not just my thoughts. Somatic tools helped me more than I expected, things like tapping, grounding with cold water, or pressing my feet into the floor when my thoughts were spinning. Closing my eyes, visualizing a beautiful place and breathing. When you do that you ground yourself. If you want a few simple things to try, I’ll send ‘em. But no pressure, here if you want ‘em. You can do this. Remember your ‘why’, and for ‘who’ and the other female won’t be an issue.
Yes, I'd appreciate it. Any tools that you feel may be beneficial to me, this has been very difficult.
Thank You. It does help, I appreciate your kindness
as it's easier to say than do, ignore her as much as possible, she is trying to irritate you and get under your skin so to say and it seems to be working. You are there for you, not her. relapse or not just take pride in the fact that your sobor today, and will be tomorrow, do not make her issues yours, and if she makes remarks or comments under her breath to where only you hear or see them, then just smile, smile and know in your own mind you are comfortable knowing your doing the right thing for you.. consider the source.. why let someone else bring you down? do not play into her hand, she sounds devious, mean, manipulative, non-caring, emotionless, let her drown in her own misery but don't let it bring you down or let her take you with her . it sounds like you are focused relapse or not it's all part of recovery do not let her Ill mannered comments or attitude throw you off course you sound like an intelligent woman. you should know better than to fall for any traps thrown out there, recovering addicts can be convincing at times but also manipulative towards other.. stay focused on yourself and what you need to do to advance your own agenda.. if you need a totally different place to be sobor with no house manager and a great vibe.. pm me I have a solution, hope these words help even a little I wish you well and hope you can find a way around the situation your in.
Wow, thank you. I will contact you tomorrow if that's good w you. I actually have been contemplating this very highly. I've about outgrown this current situation and if it is only going to continue to bring me down rather than up, then maybe it's time & I appreciate your kindness. And you're right, her behaviors are working and it is getting to me. Moreso because she literally has 9 other people in the house that I live falling for also and placing blame onto me. As well as the office managers and more in this program. But after today, I have made it clear that I am finished w the charade and her manipulations and bandwagon of me being this evil person to her own self or anyone else she continues to try and convince this of. . I'm done w it. I am not a miserable person, far from it, and nor will I allow for an actual miserable person to bring me down with her and or others.
Try to forgive everyone including yourself. Bring the truth to light. If need be, move on. But clean up your side of the street. Live in love and truth. Stay out of ego!
I’m here if you want to talk
Sounds to me like she still suffers some severe addict mentality issues, where she has the victim mentality. Is there any other programs close to you that you could switch to? Dealing with that kind of stress it's no wonder you had a relapse! I'm so sorry your dealing with all that. My prayers are with you. You got this girl!
Thank you. The thing is, I live this program, it is ranked #1 in the state that I live in, they've discussed me working with them when the time is right for both (which I'm excited for, just haven't felt fully ready yet)... And they're opening a new treatment center. I'm signed up to obtain a CAP Certificate In substance abuse. Have a bachelor's in psychology from yrs ago and have been a CM prior to my 30 year run....which is what it was.... And I am VERY lucky to have survived. I very truthfully did not want to for awhile, then didn't believe I was going to, I did not care, that was my plan to let the drugs and or lifestyle eventually kill me. It didn't. It killed my best friend who was more like a brother(/sister/) as well as my ex boyfriend and I knew it was eventually going to kill me. I'm 50 yrs old now. Have been homeless off and on for 10 years and running the streets. I miss that sometimes. But I can walk to the store if need be. I no longer want to die.
The way I see it, I will be damned if I allow for anyone, especially a miserable old jealous, judgemental and paranoid lady who I believe suffers from true severe personality disorders (I am trained to see these behaviors and recognize them) run me out of a program that is good for me. And for my family and my girls I haven't seen in over 10 years. This woman can wallow in her misery for all I care at this point. I've been kind to her even when she's been very evil and spiteful to me bc I know she has problems. But she's made my life very uncomfortable. My goal is to wait for her to finally leave and hopefully sooner than later. I don't need her holding a more permanent grudge bc I am the target of her abuse and I know this. My problem is NOBODY ELSE, including program managers and head therapist see this. She scares me and I mean it when I say that NOT MUCH DOES. I see what she's capable of and I believe she's already purposefully gotten 2 others thrown out of here, I just cannot prove it. They're both in jail right now & she works for the local legal system. It's not worth it for me to have her come at me further at this point so I avoid her and let her dig her own grave. But I don't trust her to set me up even further as I have watched her do to others.
Thank you for listening.