I’ve been struggling the past couple weeks with confusion, not knowing what I want, questioning if I’m an alcoholic, mixed feelings about wanting to be a part of AA, etc… I hate feeling uprooted in my sobriety. I have a trip coming up in a week I would like to do everything I can this week to feel more stable in my sobriety by then. What are some tools you all use to stay grounded and strong with your sobriety?
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i struggled w this too. what helped me was reframing - you don’t need to identify w alcoholism until you’re ready. for me i’m someone w the desire to quit drinking.
i started going to AA for the community. but AA can be intense at first if you’re still questioning. AA is people’s lifeline and a meeting can be the thing that stops people from relapsing so it’s a really sacred space w. a lot of vulnerability. but it did help me feel less alone in my decision to want to quit drinking and i like hearing peoples stories about how much sobriety has given them. it’s inspiring. i like the zoom ones based or of LA where i’m from.
re: trips, i had to turn down like three girls trip this year because i knew i didn’t have the tools yet to self regulate around so much alcohol w. people whom our ritual is drinking together. i’d lean on someone on the trip who can support you in your sobriety. and honestly if the trip is bringing up anxiety or fear of relapsing i’d just postpone or sit out.
hope this was helpful! down to chat more
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Several years ago I quit drinking, and after some time I thought I didn't have a real problem and starting slowly having drinks again. It eventually caught up to me and now I know for sure alcohol can not be a part of my life. Try to remember the reasons you stopped in the first place.
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Iv had the same thing lately after 13yrs . For now I’m just going to one meeting a week to stay connected . I have to identify as an alcoholic to stay in AA but i don’t crave alcohol and never did much . Once I start drinking I go on a binge for 2-3 days and also take drugs so I obviously have a problem .
Sometimes I wish there was other labels to describe us individually . I started taking Lexapro for my anxiety and it’s been amazing .
I want to stay connected but for now I’m just gonna think “I don’t want to drink and AA is good for me “
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Deep breathing.
What does the book say….. get a sponsor and work the steps with your sponsor. Sounds like Step One. Is your life unmanageable and are you powerless over alcohol?
I’ve been dealing with the fact of not really knowing what I want. If you take time to remember what brought you to recovery you can usually establish the fact that you are an alcoholic because it’s the disease it tells you there’s nothing wrong with you  I would probably try to go back to the basics, but I’ve been dealing with not knowing what I want for several years.
I attended one A. A meeting once when I was in my mid-twenties. I didn't feel like I related to anyone, so I kept telling myself that I was not an alcoholic. After all, I didn't drink every day. I hadn't done anything egregious (yet). It wasn't until I finally checked myself into an IOP back in May that I realized I had a problem. There were people there from different backgrounds/ ages. I felt more comfortable admitting to myself that I was an alcoholic then. It pushed me to make significant changes in my life. One of them is traveling more. I also stopped hanging out with people I felt helped enable my alcoholism. It's only been six months, but I feel like a new person. I do see the change.
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Hello Angela: I had some reservations when I crash-landed back in a 12-Step program. I go to NA, as I identify as an addict. But I really just had to stop. I wasn't going to make it if I didn't. To this day nobody in NA has ever questioned me as to what I believe, but I DID celebrate 5 years clean and sober last month! My point is that these 12 Step programs are pretty flexible and they do work. Why not give it a year? What do you really have to loose?
Definitely reframing and thought stopping. Splash cold water on your face, saying out loud STOP! write a quick journal entry, make a list of gratitude, talk to someone!
If you are flying and by yourself, have the gate agent make a announcement asking if there are any friends of Bill W who could come to your gate. Best of luck!
Keep it simple. When I’m looking too far ahead this is where fear creeps up for me as well as feeling anxious. This is where I know that I need to reset. Sometimes I have to take it 30 minutes at a time. Some simple breathing, reaching out to another addict/friend/family member. Maybe a small gratitude list. As cliche as it is, the serenity prayer helps me in these moments. Accept the things I cannot change and the courage to change the things I can…hope this helps.
For me it was a matter of heading something off at the pass that could have turned into a major disaster. I also look at it a making a healthy choice.
You got this 
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Hi Angela, when it comes to staying strong in my sobriety on a trip it’s all about planning and clear communication. I make sure I have my own room or at least a place to escape to to be alone for a bit. If I’m staying in a hotel I call ahead to ask them to clear the mini bar. I bring LOTS of seltzer lol. I make sure I always have an exit strategy or escape route. And I communicate clearly to those on the trip what is ok for me and what is not. I also have my sober friends on speed dial and let them know I’ll likely be calling at some point.
Honestly, it took me a few trips to work all this out. Most of it was learned the hard way. I’m not big in the AA scene but I go to enough meetings to keep myself grounded (I’ve landed on one women’s meeting per week) and to have a solid list of phone numbers.
It also had taken a lot of growth to realize that if I’m feeling squirrelly, I don’t have to go on the trip. I can just say no. And that feels powerful.
I tell myself, “sit still, breathe, pray, trust, take in, and let the moment pass by.” I do this several times a day if needed. My mind gets jumbled and tries to psych me out a lot..so I find that this works for me. Stay strong
The most effective tool that I use is to reflect on how much better my life is without alcohol. There are some aspects of drinking that I miss like friends, events, and dating. However, the thought of dealing with hangxiety and all the other bad stuff that alcohol provides is just not worth the short-term reward to me.
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Angela, on page 20-21 of the big book, describes the normal drinker, heavy drinker and the real alcoholic. The book also tells us if we aren’t sure to go and try some controlled drinking.
It’s important to understand what makes a real alcoholic. I have all three parts to this illness. 1. Allergy of the body-
2. Obsession of the mind-
3. Spiritual Malady-
When I tried to stop for the third and fourth time, the consequences were stacked very high. I was defeated. I had just about lost everything. I was powerless over alcohol and my life was unmanageable.
I took steps 1-3 very quickly. I got a sponsor but only went to meetings. I sat on my 4th step for 18 months. Miserable. Wanting to escape this life. During those 18 months I had gone to treatment first 90 days of sobriety. In and out patient care. I kept myself busy with hiking, volunteering, and working. I hired two men in recovery which we had a meeting each morning before work. Did very little zoom meetings. Had two people from treatment that I would talk to about my emotions and feelings. That helped a lot to change my perspective. I read books on spirituality. Joel S. Goldsmith is one author that changed my perspective on religion and spirituality. I was an agnostic/atheist before sobriety. Today I have spiritual faith and a higher power that I can meditate and pray on. The friendships I’ve made in sobriety are real. I’ve never felt more alive, understood and loved in my life then in the rooms of AA. I’m an active member of AA, of YPAA (young people of AA) and I can now show up for my family.
The tools to live a free and joyous life are in the book of AA (big book) I practice the steps to the best of my ability each day. Our code is love and tolerance of others. Today I love myself so much that I can now love others for who they are. I can tolerate others because I don’t have to change them. If I want something changed all I have to do is look at me. I’ve learned how to be patient. I wanted everything now! Well life ruin on self will got me angry then drunk. I can relax and take it easy. I ask myself each morning in meditation: what’s my motivate today? I consider my plans for today, who can I help? How can I do better then yesterday? Pages 86-88 describes it better. I fellow these simple tools; the 12 steps and 12 traditions my life is worth living. If you have any questions about AA, the process, getting a sponsor, please feel free to contact me. Remember AA has no monopoly on recovery. There are quite a few other organizations that offer a solution. I’ve tried a few of them in early recovery. I actually like them and have utilized them currently. I must keep an open mind about all possibilities in life. I hope you can find a solution that works for you. In the meantime I’ll pray for you.