My mind is damaged from all the abuse inflicted on me, and now i am struggling to handle the aftermath of it without alcohol and drugs.
It's too much for me to handle alone. I don't have any intimate relationships with other human beings.
A conversation with another person or even multiple people isn't a relationship.
Sharing my thoughts for 5 minutes at an AA meeting isn't a relationship.
I literally have no one else but myself, and the myself I am experiencing is having a whirlwind of mental anguish, making it difficult to engage with my world in a way that feels connective.
For example, i try to meditate and my mind is experiencing a FLOOD of auditory hallucinations.
That sweet spot in the mind I used to go to where there was peace and connection with my inner self is being blocked by words and repetition of peoples names and an assortment of conversations.
I try to play music, and my mind is overly critical in a deprecating way to my voice and guitar playing.
I am struggling to engage and connect with the world around me without other people around me.
