Had a very difficult and draining 48 hours. My wife went forward with making the restraining order permanent where I had to admit to bad behavior (verbal) in court today. She was there and it was very emotional. There’s no excuse for what I did and I am struggling with accepting the new reality of never returning home, being able to talk to her, or be with my daughter. We had been together for 8 years so she was my closest friend and my everything. I destroyed it all. I hate myself for it and am finding it hard to see a life or a way forward. I am sober and have made a complete 180 but she is not convinced apparently and I guess never will be. Because of that it seems almost pointless. Our meeting topic tonight was patience and I know I need that but patience for what? It doesn’t seem to be fixable. The main thing I never wanted for my kids was a broken home (I come from one). I feel like I have failed as a father and clearly everyone is better off without me.
I’m sorry to hear that Mike however it will get easier with time. I went through a divorce a few years ago and was with my ex-husband for 17 years.. never thought I get over it/what he did but with time I did heal. That is what you need to have patience with, yourself and healing.
Sorry to hear that Mike 
but things will work out and you will heal eventually.
Bro, stay sober, do the step work thoroughly, be of maximum service. It’ll all work itself out. Trust me, I’ve seen way worse turn completely around in sobriety.
If you did the steps, do them again and get deeper. Then again.
I sponsor if interested.
I can relate to everything you said so much...please give yourself major major credit for just staying sober at this time! It's all I can do to take inventory and not repeat mistakes! The past is an incredible resource for success here and now...Serenity prayer
Good morning Mike
I’m so sorry to hear about your struggles. But I promise you if you stay sober and clean. And the 12 steps of recovery. One day at a time it will get better.
How much sobriety time do you have???
The mistakes we make when we are stuck in active addiction can destroy our lives. We do things we would never do or even think about doing when sober and in our right mind. We can’t change our past but we can change our future. Stay the course, develop a sober community, do the steps, attend meetings, get a sponsor and do whatever it takes to change your future and stay sober. It does get easier. The consequences of our past can be fuel to make sure we don’t make those mistakes again. Seek God and he will help you, guaranteed.
133 days and thank you
Congratulations, Mike. That is awesome brother 133 days.
Hang in there Mike and keep going to meetings and working the steps. Many of us learn life’s basic skills in the rooms.
As we stay sober and work the steps it gets better. Patience is a tough concept sometimes. For me it means putting off what I want right now and trusting the process to God’s will. In the end I always find it’s better than anything I could have imagined.
I can relate so much to your post, all I ca say is that it's hard coming to terms with what we've down while drinking or using. I can only say it serves to remind us why we choose recovery and is a testimony to be told to someone not yet in recovery.