I have been in recovery since Feb and was on the path until June. I stayed away from people places and things but I could not stay away from the worst of it all . The most toxic horrific relationship I have ever been in. Once my head cleared I was able to see what this person truly was and I was ok going no contact. Out of the blue I called him in June ( I was six months clean had money saved and recovery was first priority) Fast forward today I have only 2 thousand dollars left, I have relapsed, endured days of mental abuse almost missed a court date and am constantly addicted to this person again even though I see the monster he is? Can anyone explain this and advice? I was lucky my family took me back after multiple disappearing acts ( I’m 53) but this last visit with him actually scared me but I’m still drawn to him? I know he’s a narcissist a sociopath I can see it all and I don’t care ? I’m almost On the verge of giving up everything I have worked for only to be the victim of this sociopath ?
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Look up emotional addiction. Research it. I recently stumbled upon this during my research. It was an eye opener to me. I spent the majority of my life in rollercoaster relationships with narcissists, even friendships. I’m finally learning a new way of life and it revolves around me. 
Some people just need to be in pain to feel alive we all do things to destroy ourselves it's part of the addiction
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My ex is a narcissist. They are extremely manipulative. She came real close to killing me with stress. Strength Within is a great Facebook support group that’s free. I’m in recovery from that and addiction. You can get free of it all. Talk to others THERE that understand what you’re going through