Trigger warning of a Drug using dream. Do not read it if you can’t.. I understand.
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Hey all. I just woke up after the most intense using dream that I’ve had in awhile. To my knowledge. I say that because I don’t normally remember my dreams, and usually only the bad ones. Most likely because I don’t hit REM sleep often enough due to sleep problems.
I woke up sweating. I remember specifically using. The feelings of worthlessness while doing it. The shame. The desperation. The taste of it! The way I used it. The hotel room. The unknown people I was using with. The feeling of being trapped inside my mind.
The difference between me and the stories I have heard from other drug users is this: I never had fun on the addiction I had the most problems with. It instantly became my enemy. I had instant psychosis. I hated it. It also wasn’t my choice to be on it.
I was trauma introduced to this substance. I don’t share this often. I am comfortable sharing it now. This might help ONE person not feel so alone. That’s why I’m putting it here. I wish I never did that substance. It killed my brain. It killed the humanity in me.. It literally almost killed me.
All because I was trying to get a different substance and I went to the wrong hotel room. At that room, I was forced to try the horrible thing by two strangers. Then 5 years and 7 months went by of me FIGHTING for my life.
I’ve never heard my story from another person before. That’s another reason I’m sharing so personally. They always say “You hear your story in the rooms of Narcotics Anonymous from others”. I haven’t. Not once.
I hope I never do. But if you just heard yours…You aren’t alone and I’m here.
It can get better. I somehow escaped the torture I was going through mentally and emotionally/physically etc. From that substance. I made it out alive. There is hope.
I am nearly at my 500 days NA date milestone. I say NA because I truthfully have another mental date in my mind. The last day I did that drug, was in April of 2022. I did relapse with alcohol. I chose to reset my clean date. I will NEVER forget the last time I used that drug though. It’s been a year and almost 7 months since I put it in my body. I’ll never go back.
There is hope. Thank you for reading.