I’m 44 days sober today and my husband still occasionally asks me if I’ve been drinking. I used to lie to him for years and years about drinking, so it makes sense but it’s a hard pill to swallow. I know I’ll earn his trust back in time, but is there anything I can do to help him? I was considering buying a breathalyzer just so I could show him I am sober when something tells him I’ve been drinking… that doesn’t feel right but I’m not sure. We know we are both working towards a new normal but again, not easy.
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Ask him if a breath test would help earn his trust.
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There’s a video on the main page of this app that does exactly that. It’s the 3rd video. It’s pretty cool. Check it out. Otherwise it just takes time…sometimes a long time.
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I’ve been in your shoes, I understand the frustration. Stick with it Kayla! Your future is unwritten, make it a good one!!
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I’m almost two years sober and my wife from time to time will ask me if I have been drinking. The best way I found to earn trust back is just do the next right thing. Initially, it took months for my wife to really begin to trust me again. It can happen… just be patient and understanding of his side of the journey. Congrats on the 44! That is an outstanding accomplishment.
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The alcoholic is like a tornado roaring his way through the lives of others. Hearts are broken. Sweet relationships are dead. Affections have been uprooted. Selfish and inconsiderate habits have kept the home in turmoil. We feel a man is unthinking when he says that sobriety is enough. He is like the farmer who came up out of his cyclone cellar to find his home ruined. To his wife, he remarked, "Don't see anything the matter here, Ma. Ain't it grand the wind stopped blowin'?" Yes, there is a long period of reconstruction ahead. We must take the lead. A remorseful mumbling that we are sorry won't fill the bill at all. We ought to sit down with the family and frankly analyze the past as we now see it, being very careful not to criticize them.
Their defects may be glaring, but the chances are that our own actions are partly responsible. So we clean house with the family, asking each morning in meditation that our Creator show us the way of patience, tolerance, kindliness and love.
Pg 82 of the big book
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Sounds like you can understand the mistrust, it’s logical. Just give it time.
I was horribly offended when my sobriety was questioned at about 6 months. But in reality I had lied for years. I couldn’t change their minds in 6 months.
Today is totally different, they believe what I say because I have established a track record. One day at a time of sobriety, honesty and trustworthiness.
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It’s a well earned mistrust and it’ll take time for him to start trusting you again. I went thru it myself so it’s normal. Hang in there!
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Try 75 Hard/Live Hard, and ask him to keep you accountable in any areas you might personally feel weak or compromised. And come up with creative ways to show your husband you love him: write him a letter daily, ask him out on a date every week (the adventure challenge looks pretty cool), or even ask him to do Live Hard with you. As for a physical test, personally I think that defeats the purpose of trust/faith in someone.
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It will take time ok??? Please make your AA or NA zoom (app) meetings ok? Saves on the gas. Keep the focus on you, give him time to trust you ok? Do you have a sponsor? God bless. Linda
I went through that in a way. A lot of it was in my head thinking "do THEY think I'm drinking?".
Maybe you 2 can come up w a more subtle, gentle way to bring it up. Almost like a safe word? Something you hate to eat. Like "have any Pineapple today?"
Or you can take the lead with "no pineapples today, babe, how was your day?"
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ALANON will help him have his own recovery and you have yours
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breathalyzer is great !! it’s the same as drug test/ urine samples. It helps you stay accountable:)
Attraction! Not promotion, give it time
AL-ANON, a program for those living with or having to deal with an alcoholic/addict, in recovery or not, is a good suggestion, many people resist the suggestion as they feel they're not the one with the problem. I would say that's a bad way to think as the program could help those understand what's going on and what our suffering is like.
I don’t think a breathalyzer will help. Our significant others are not stupid. They know we can beat the test or just stash some booze somewhere and drink after. Just time will make him trust you again. They will see it in your behavior.