This is a particularly hard day.
I'm moving into the room of the student that I found gray-faced and struggling to breathe less than a month ago.
Today for the first time in 6 months, I heard the voice of the woman that brought me to this Recovery Center 9 months ago. To realize I'm still madly in love with this woman.
One of my spiritual mentors has backslidden and walks around like nobody knows. Or I think we're both avoiding each other because we both really know about it. Being the one person that I've go to and let all things out to. It's different to have to keep all this inside and not be able to talk to somebody to sort this out.
Realizing today that it's not my job or responsibility to care about anybody else's commitment to their sobriety. As well as realizing that I care too much about other people's sobriety.
With all this. I'm GRATEFUL that I'm making progress, that this woman is in recovery and working on restoring a relationship with her son, that I have the right mind to not press her about a relationship (so she can continue to focus on recovery), to be able to look at myself and realize when I MIGHT BE doing too much, and to be present in this moment. No matter how much it sucks.
I also realize that feeling lonely is not the worst thing about my existence right now. It's not even a bad thing.
I need a meeting in my life. I need more people who are committed to their walking sobriety and being clean. People who are living and not just existing.
If you're of the spirit and have the energy to pray for someone else?
Please pray that I find the network of encouraging, committed individuals to connect with?
