Unfortunately I’ve dealt with a lot in past 11 years, as everyone has. I’ve struggled with a lot of things and personality disorders and suicidal thoughts are the biggest ones. Thought if I stopped drinking and doing drugs it would help, but voices are louder than ever. I drank all day, and despite people in my life saying they’re here for me, I feel like I’m on an island alone and everyone just judges and laughs at me from afar. Does anyone have tips how to feel less alone? I can’t keep numbing my pain, I don’t want to die, but I feel it’s what I deserve and I won’t live to see 30.
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That’s tough. I’ve struggled with some of the same. I’ve noticed when I’m “doing good” in someone else’s opinion, the voices gentle. Reading recovery/ mental health literature, journaling, community service work ( ex: trash pick up), just going for a walk, I keep a BOINC machine running for good karma, cook tasty food, hum along to good music. All kinds of ways to invite positive voices/ energies into your life. Make a small $5 donation to NAMI or some other healthy advocacy organization, do something someone else will appreciate or admire.
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Hey Heath. So sorry to hear you are struggling, you are not alone though! Keep reaching out here for support. I can definitely relate to some of the things you mentioned as well. It's hard not to get out of a negative mindset once you're in it, but you can take baby steps and eventually make changes for the better. For me, noticing when I have negative thoughts has helped me because that way I can do something about it. I try to practice gratitude every day and even have a gratitude journal, I've heard that writing in it daily for 30 days can actually start shifting your thoughts. Exercising at a gym or outside is also helpful, it gets you out and makes you feel productive and of course the boost of endorphins also helps mood. Doing a lot of self-reflection and work also keeps me busy. Take notice of the things you are doing well in your life also, it will help you notice more good things about yourself which will make you feel good and empowered. Good luck!
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Thank you for your response. Woke up feeling awful but I appreciate your response. 
Thank you for your words. Woke up feeling awful, but your message helped me.
Hi Heath, I have a major mood disorder, among other mental health diagnoses, so I understand the voices getting louder. It’s hard to get sober when you have mental health struggles on top of an alcohol and/or drug problem. What I can tell you from experience is that if you stick with it, it gets better. I have been sober for over three years, and treat my mental health disorders under the guidance of a psychiatrist. Things aren’t perfect, and they certainly aren’t always easy, but now, in hindsight, I can truly say that drinking was making it worse, not better. You can do this, make you and your stability your priority. Get plugged into a recovery community that can help support as you get sober, there are so many different ones out there (AA/NA, SMART Recovery, Recovery Dharma, The Luckiest Club, etc.).
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That ^^^ is some serious experience, strength, and hope you just received from Jenn! I hope you can find something in what she wrote, and use it to help yourself so that you can feel better 
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Thank you Jen, I appreciate your message and am inspired by your sobriety. , starting therapy next week and can only go up from here
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Therapy is a great and huge step! It has been immensely helpful to me over the years.
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I’m terrified to start cause I haven’t spoken a lot openly ever, but know it’ll help in the long run. Thank you for your responses, I feel less alone.
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Being open with someone is where you will find breakthrough and growth, it can be scary but is totally worth it. No problem Heath, you are never alone!
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Hi Heath, the first time I ever went to counseling for this was like a weight lifted off my shoulders. I'm usually pretty tight lipped but I got a case of the verbal diarrhea when I went in there. Best thing ever! Good luck to you!
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Appreciate your message!
try some comedy or podcasts, sometimes all I need is a laugh. Also, don’t take urself so seriously, everyone is fuggin up constantly, we human brotha
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Heath, you are not alone. I think most of us have some similar issues or can relate. It’s why I used. Others above have given good advice. I meet with one guy from my AA group weekly. He’s not my sponsor and we aren’t even that similar but talking honestly for a couple hours a week helps us both.
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Appreciate your message, Skot!
Appreciate the message, Nick!
Hi Heath! It takes a lot of courage to choose sobriety, join an app like this, put yourself out there, share your struggle and be vulnerable, so huge 
to you, that’s A LOT to celebrate and be proud of yourself for. You are not alone, be gentle with yourself and take pride in the work that you are doing to better yourself. Every day and every small change adds up! Getting sober isn’t just about cutting out the booze, it’s about deepening your relationship with yourself amongst other things, and giving yourself the love that you absolutely deserve. You deserve to live a life filled with happiness and joy and possibilities, and it seems like you’re already on your way to making that happen for yourself. Keep with it!
Churches are having there own meetings.aa . Org .zoom meeting .look on line.help is there.