So at dinner with my children and their father I checked my messages and read that my boyfriend who I’ve used with is coming home in two weeks or less. We’ve both wanted to get clean but weren’t strong enough to do it with each other afraid of being away from one another or when I was sober he wasn’t and vice versa. For the first time we’ve been away for 3 months and we’re both clean.. I’m in a recovery program, employed, attending meetings and have accountability and he has the strongest will and someone to stay clean for however my ex threatens me. He says if I’m in a relationship with him I can’t see my kids (I left him over a year ago and he hasn’t moved on) he’s never drank or used anything before so he doesn’t understand.. not only that but I want my sobriety so bad and I know that if my boyfriend relapses it’ll be the end of us. I’m so worried about everything and wasn’t mentally prepared. For those who say to just let him go, If someone had done that to me 5 1/2 years ago I might not be here today. I pulled through and stayed sober for 4 1/2 years… I have a lot to process and I’m afraid. Afraid he won’t love the new me (I know his loss etc but still there’s heartbreak that comes with that) the fear of him relapsing and dying or the fear of him doing amazing and my ex simply punishing me for loving someone else.
Can you identify what boundaries you need to set with the man you have been having a relationship with?
So sorry to hear you’re going through this- relationships are hardest part of our journeys. Do you have a sponsor? That would be the best person to speak with- they would know you’re journey well enough to advise you. If you do not, immerse yourself in recovery literature. As @jack139868 said- boundaries, clear lines in the sand, and the willingness to do whatever it takes to put your recovery first. After riding the roller coaster of relapses for 10+ years, I now see that if my recovery doesn’t come first, everything else will come last. You have all our prayers and support!
It is a tough spot. I agree with both Jay and Jack. Is there a way to set some boundaries in order to give yourself some time to build a good sober foundation? In the long run, I think that would set things up better.
I’ve set boundaries.. I laid out the expectations but there’s so many different things to ways this could end.. just praying I’ve set a clear example of what I want and what I dint want to repeat. I love him so much and I’m scared for him if he even tries it once. It’s one too many and I just can’t. He sounds really positive about staying clean so all I can do is pray for him right now to do the right thing
All you can do is control you.