I keep waking up day after day thinking this feeling is gonna go away.. I’m gonna jump on a virtual meeting cause the actual physical ones I go to in my town don’t make me feel better they actually make me feel worse after I leave. And the urges hit hard. It’s hard to make it home after a meeting sometimes without using… I just need opinions on what y’all do when sometimes like this happens to you.. I’m at a loss for words what to do at this point…
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I pray. It really is just one day at a time. I felt just horrible for 2 months. I am just starting to feel a little better. Hang in there. 
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Don't overthink it. Stay in the moment. Things will make more sense as time goes by. Everything is extremely confusing at first. It takes time. Trust the process. Sometimes in life you have to feel bad in order to know how to feel good.
Why do you think it is that the in person meetings make you feel worse?
What makes you feel worse after a meeting? I'm not saying you need to figure it out and go back; mtgs dint work for everyone and it's not a cookie cutter approach.
But if you can figure out what if triggering THAT feeling, maybe you can address the main trigger causing urges?
I'm sorry to hear the local meetings aren't helping. One jing j try is just slowing down, being in the moment. Be that meditation, prayer, exercise, art, whatever. Find something that brings you peace and an ability to be in the present moment.
The best way to do this “Sobriety” is one day at a time, sometimes one minute at a time. I would suggest maybe join a zoom meeting that maybe run in your area. A strong recovery team is definitely a must have. When I finally got help I got all the avenues a counselor, a recovery coach, a special medication doctor (because I needed craving medication) I joined all types of zoom meetings and some meetings I made life long friends. I do an early recovery meeting once a week for an hour where we check in with anything that’s bothering us. This is a tough thing to do and the more people you have in your corner the easier it can be. I know for me I lost two dear people in my life and dying from alcoholism is a brutal death. That also helps keep me strong. Just do. The next right thing. Breathe, know your saving your life. 
You look like a young, beautiful and vibrant young lady. Are you willing to give that up so soon. It takes time, healing, mending, accepting and so much more. Your misery can be refunded with the wrong decision, snap of your fingers. But, your happiness, relationships, health, etc takes so much more time to get reimbursed. It's worth the struggle, living life, not worrying about your stuff getting stolen, watching your back, dying slowly from the inside out. Come on girl, fight this disease, you will reap the benefits and so much more. I believe in you and don't even know you. My faith is on your side. Have a great day
Hey Angie, I’m sorry that’s your experience with in person meetings. It’s worth maybe trying another. Other than that, zoom meetings And large network of people to call. I’ve never been one to talk on the phone but if your alone and the cravings hit, you need to pick up the phone. Just talk about anything with someone. The craving will pass! I’m sure you don’t need it but your welcome to my number and welcome to call any time. It works.
Been there!!! Sucks BUT how proud of myself after I got through it
I have a trigger journal/day book!! This way I can write them out and expect them to come rather than feeling surprised by them and then watch them fade 
Where did you find an early recovery meeting? I could really use something like that. I have zero sober friends. And the meetings I go to, no one hangs out outside of them.
It was offered to me when I left the hospital after being detoxed. We meet every Tuesday afternoon and just talk about anything that’s bothering us. It’s fabulous. What state are you in? I am in RI. First out of hospital was Intensive Outpatient Program, where they randomly would test us so you wanted to be substance free.
I would hope most states would have meetings like that. If you have a detox hospital maybe you can check with them. I made some amazing friends and we chat daily.
I don’t think I’m ready form a full-blown IOP—nor do I think I could afford to do one.
I’m in Santa Monica, so if anyone knows of any meetings that are more friendly or social, please let me know!
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Insurance paid everything for me. I was very lucky. Addiction is this little state is bad. I hope you meet people. I made it 33 months yesterday with all their help and guidance.