Very displeased with life. Every time I sober up. It's nothing but pure misery. I can't sit around abd b.s. to say I'm greatful for so.ething. I have no family or close friends. It's not that I burnt bridges. It's just that everybody is either dead or, has screwed me over.
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I don't know why I'm even talking about this. I honestly see why I started using fentynal. It does numb the pain of a painfull life full of disappointments. I'm not trying to be the miserable example for people in the rooms to look at. I believe in death before dishonor. Maybe someone gets that perfect job or relationship. When it all crashes down and all you have is the ashes of a lost loved ones. You will know what pure discust a human could have for life. And the b.s. games that people want to play. Loosed dating is a dumb idea the last thing so.eone needs in recovery is a relationship. I definatly don't want another dope fiegn in my life.
Im dealing with the same stuff and have for a long time....no family except my mom, no partner, no close friends left. I try and practice gratitude and it's like I might feel it for a minute but then I go back to just feeling crappy again very quickly.
Then one of the reasons I go back to using is so people don't see me as this miserable person like you said
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Devin I can certainly relate. Life sucks at times. I had to get sober emotionally and then build a new life with new relationships with people that are worth having relationships with. I had to become the the best version of myself so I could love myself in a non narcissistic way. Then life started to be much higher quality.
Are you working the 12 steps with a sponsor?
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Keep coming back dude. You don’t have to believe it will get better. You can actively think the steps won’t work. But if you show up and do the work you’ll get the results.
I hope you stay long enough to get well.
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That’s honesty and you’re doing exactly what you’re supposed by throwing it out there. I’d first start with not worrying bout others and focus on myself. Dive into that book it’s helps believe it or not.
Feeling the feeling. My first 6 months I felt like a cat in a bag. Now I've calmed down. I also reach out to 3 new comers a day now. Keeping out of self seems to be working. Meeting maker's make it. You're worth a sober life. The pain loosens and it does get better. Your a miracle with a purpose. Work it cause you are worth it.
Honestly, I’m 6 months sober today, and I feel this way all the time. I’ve become extremely comfortable with the idea of death during my addiction, and if I’m being honest, it hasn’t fully gone away since getting sober. I have many diagnoses of mental illness, and I 100% think it was worsened by using and drinking. And I think the effects of my addiction will make it much harder to see progress, because I completely messed with the chemistry in my brain, and I understand that it will take a while to heal and even get to a solid baseline for living. I legit can’t even function as a human being yet. Because I’m so so used to abusing my body mind and soul.
But what I wanted to say is, I understand the feeling of losing everything, the grief of losing everyone around you. And the feeling of hopelessness. I think the fact you shared how you feel is a step in the right direction. There’s always an option to go back to using if you sober up, but we don’t always have the option to get sober again after going back to using. An alarming rate of people are dying from addiction every day. I hope you find a sign to keep fighting and not become a statistic. Even if you don’t have people around you directly that are of support, but there’s so many people that care about you that you don’t even know about. Not only the people on this app, who can understand bits and pieces of what you’re going through. But also other addicts in support groups. There’s so many support groups, not just 12 step either.
I don’t have any answers, I’m still struggling every day and barely hanging on, but I do believe and feel that there is a small glimmer of hope for a happy future. And I know I HAVE to see that out. Not for other people, for me and me only. I hope someone on here has helped, even in a small way. You matter.
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I’m sorry for your losses❤️‍🩹 choose life my friend be kind to yourself
Your right. My autistic sister called me today. I was upset I missed her call. I couldn't fathom leaving her alone in this world. Their have been way too many to go early.
Hello Devin
Do you go to AA meetings or NA meetings the fellowship really help me? I got a sponsor and worked at 12 steps. Do you go to Meetings? Do you have a sponsor?
No I did that for years. On and off. I don't need those types of people in my life ever again.
See that's why I should of just kept my mouth shut. Other people cause a lot of my problems. If I need to focus on myself then AA is most definatly not for me. Been their read the book. It's an awesome coaster. Lol
No, please don’t hold it in. That is dangerous for us when we hold it all in our life gets truly unmanageable. Thank you so much for sharing right where you are. That is my honest opinion. And with that being honest. Is the first step