I’m struggling bad thinking of ways I wish things would go, ways I wish I would die, and wondering why I’m not good enough. I’m having such strong urges and thoughts of using because my life is so f’d right now. I just want to go to sleep and not wake up. 3 weeks and I’m already tired of trying. I feel like people are placing too high of expectations on me and it makes me want to scream. Ok I’m done complaining.
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They say a problem shared is a problem halved. Hope you’re feeling better now.
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I hear you, Brandon. You are not alone in this. Early on in sobriety, I tore myself apart trying to get sober. I wanted to give up so many times because I saw myself as a failure. Even in sobriety, I continue to fight certain demons that want to tear me down.
Please don't give up on yourself. You have no idea how your life may positively impact someone else but that can only happen if you hold on and keep fighting.
This too shall pass.
Expectations are difficult to live up to no matter the circumstances. It’s important to just work on what you can control and try you best to ignore the rest, including others thoughts and feelings about you. Congrats on 3 weeks Brandon 
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I remember when I was very early in sobriety I hated myself. I was more critical of myself than anyone around me. I know it sounds tough, but be kind to yourself. You are battling a demon within and unless you have charged that battlefield before, people will never understand. Right now right here the only important thing is you. We have been where you are. I know that battle all too well, and it is a sumbitch! But the longer you fight, the more kind you are to yourself… you begin to turn the tide. Be proud of three weeks! You have already made that progress! We got your back man.
I remember feeling that way with my drinking. I had to drink constantly and I got so scared that I would get up and see if I was yellow. Now will be celebrating 22 months. All crazy emotions are normal especially early recovery. I used to hold my breath trying to die. How crazy is that. My family didn’t know I relapsed so it was pretty scary and lonely 