Was a really tough weekend

Recovery
#1

The old trickster loneliness almost got me this weekend. Yesterday was particularly tough, and I found myself almost white knuckling it through.

I usually spend weekends with my folks but they were out of town. I hit the weights hard yesterday morning, really pushed myself and I think I hurt my shoulder. Rode 8 miles as hard as I could just to sweat through a particularly low point yesterday afternoon. I grilled steak and at like a king after. I sat alone watching YouTube eating fruit until I got tired and went to bed.

Today was no different. Woke up sore, shoulder on fire. Did a couple of set of push-ups and only one pump of the dumbells and went for a drive. I went past some houses I’ve been eyeing on the auction website and they all were too far away and also kind of duds. A waster of $60 worth of gas and an afternoon but whatever, better to drive seemingly aimlessly listening to music than just sit around. I came home and had dinner with my parents, as they had finally returned.

I went for another bike ride when I got home, as hard as I could and hit 8 miles in just under 33 minutes. A personal best.

I really am lonely. I’m making real personal gains and my physical fitness is showing great improvement but it sure would be nice to spend some time with someone. I know “go to meetings” but I want something more than just a “reason to be around other people that isn’t drinking,” if that makes sense. I honestly have no idea how to make friends. I’m 33 and have no idea how to make friends, wow…

Just, a really tough weekend. Day 325 sober today.

6 Likes
#2

You're putting in the hard work my dude. You sound like you're in great control of your life. The rest will come, and when it does, you are gonna love it that much more.

1 Like
#4

I hope you’re right. Some days are better than others but lately I feel like I’ve just been spinning my wheels, so to speak, while everyone else is living their lives

#5

Glad I am not alone in that sentiment. Yeah, my “bar friends” all disappears after I got sick, and subsequently sober.

#6

Making friends is one aspect in sobriety. Another aspect is helping other alcoholics. I used to go to meetings for me, now I go for the newcomer.
Have you worked all the steps? You have a sponsor?

#7

Same boat here, just marking time. Loneliness comes and goes, but I got my kids and my dog, so I'm content :grinning:

#8

That’s winning right there! This may sound odd, but I regard having children as one of the best successes a man can achieve! Good on you, man. I hope to be a father some day, also.

1 Like
#9

Definitely the thing I'm best at. No greater thing than being a dad, you nailed it.

#10

Congrats to you! Loneliness is a tough one, but I'm hoping you like your own company better sober than when not

1 Like
#11

I usually do, and I’m usually pretty okay with my down time. I’m not really sure why this hit me so hard this past weekend. I need to meditate more, and be less self-critical about where I am in life.

And yes, I am very happy with sobriety vs. not!

#12

Is there a biking group near you? Maybe they do group rides?

#13

Let's be friends. I suck at making them too, lol.