Hi everyone, well , at work again today , telling myself , just for today , lauren , are you listening???!!! I fortunately prepared myself and mustered enough strength.Do not go to the dope house. Nationally, a huge trigger for me and I was expecting it.My daughter amelia's twenty fourth birthday today. I saw her.\nWhen she turned eighteen. Her adopted mother, Jenny contacted me all the way from Houston, Texas.\nWhere did live for twenty six years. I pray for all 3 of my children without ceasing, but birthdays, Mother's Day I didn't even know just happened, it's been 11 years. Since I was receiving my last "" YET"". I would love to see my children.I know Amelia's beautiful.Her father was from Belize CA. She is half myan indian. It's sad to know that I wasted so much time.\nTrying to hide my secret of drinking and smoking crack. Amy was adopted by a wonderful lady when she was just ten years old. 
my yet i never saw coming.I didn't know I didn't think I was deceitful person just wanting to get high; what a waste of time. 11 years I was shut out of their lives. My son Joshua, who's 34 now and my daughter Tara\n Is 32. I got my head out of my tail.Finally , my excuse before was very good and simple one and kept me content. You've lost your entire family Lauren.Forget them and enjoy yourself.They'll never know!! I was sober a dry, drunk.\nLabeled for 8 years. And I was so desperate to get my children back , that they were my higher power and not my lord , jesus. A dry drunk is someone that abstains from any model altering chemicals , but not working a program, not using tools not reaching out to groups and having a family. I thought I'd explain that.\nYou never wanna be like that , trust me. Happy birthday mia ha , mui bannita!! Me corazon.\ diostate bandiga me Amelia Placida Avila. Please pray for reunification and for them to soften their hearts.You see, I'll probably never get to hold the 2 grandchildren.I know of they'll never know me. I only have myself to blame, and God forgives me.\nTake careThank you.I need to tell I needed to write this down. Yes ,as a 
warning. Keep the faith and be strong, because the devil loves to laugh at us when we mess up.\nDoesn't he??
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