It truly is amazing how many people suffer from the insidious disease of addiction. Whether it be drugs, alcohol, gambling, pornography, binge eating, anorexia, bulimia, video games, you name it all root from the same problem, us. We have the inability to live life without picking up something outside of ourselves to numb us. The addiction itself may be different, but the core is the same, we just don't know how to live.
When I put down the addictive behaviour I am stuck with me, I don't know how to live with me. How am I expected to move forward with life without my coping mechanisms I've had for so long? How can I be expected to say goodbye to my age old best friend: addiction? It's a bittersweet goodbye. One I know is best, but one that I fight hard to do on my own. The fact is I could not, and can not say goodbye to my friend addiction on my own. I needed and need help from those who came before me. I needed the help, love, and guidance from other people who have been through the 12 steps and can show me the way out of the darkness.
Active addiction for me is a dark place. It is isolation, it is suicidal ideations, it is living with a huge ego while hating myself, it is feeling superior and also inferior to everyone, it is as if the world is going to end and I want it to end but I don't. It's like I want to get off the merry go round but I also want "just one more". Just one more leads me down that same path of isolation and darkness. I don't desire to follow that path.
If you have read this far, good on you. I'm simply here to say there is a way out. You don't have to say goodbye to your friend addiction alone. We are here for you, there are 12 step rooms filled with people that can show you the way. There IS a way out my friends. You ARE worthy of love, you are worthy of compassion, you are WORTHY OF LIFE. If you are struggling just know if the program of recovery can work for me, it can work for you if you have the willingness to do a few simple steps.
If you have any questions of recovery, 12 steps, anything of this nature do not hesitate to reach out. This program saved my life and I'm here to share the message of hope. 