We’re all in this thing together. The whole world has derailed, changed it’s course, and crash landed, every day seemingly more difficult than the last. We were left to manage the wreckage and scrounge for a slither of positive news for ourselves and our families. I had Covid twice.
My life was crumbling and I was an emotional wreck. I went to my first recovery meeting in June with vivid thoughts of my two boys and too many emotions to contain. They say we all have a rock bottom, only I wasn’t going to wait around for mine. I went to bed late that night feeling nothing, but the weight I carried slowly lifted by morning.
I woke early today with my boys, depressed and beat up from a bad cold. I struggled all weekend to get up and function through the day. My neural pathways kept going back to the huge craters it’s taken decades to create. How could I feel this way with my boys? How could I think any of this would just go away overnight?
I realize we all want immediacy, but get a slow motion heat wave of impatience, vertigo, and nausea instead. We all want a quick fix to a problem it’s taken a lifetime to break.
Today, I am trying to breathe every breath as a blessing, and every sight, sound, smell, and taste as an opportunity to stay alive. I know I wouldn’t be here if I were drinking. I wouldn’t get the privilege to care for my boys. I wouldn’t feel the pain and struggle of living or the random things that find me unexpectedly. I wouldn’t be writing this if it weren’t for you. Thank you, IWNDWYT! 