I just went thru my camera roll and older photos and videos of myself using. It’s absolutely wild to me because while it’s happening inside I think i’m handling myself and thinking straight. I think my thinking is solid. I don’t even feel that high! Im just having a good time!
Looking back now fully clear headed and sober, I can see myself for how I was. It is heart retching to see myself so out of my mind, so high it’s disturbing. The ironic thing is in the videos im on molly and at the time i felt extremely happy and on top of the world.
TRIGGER*** (I started crying while looking at these videos. In a weird way i’m glad I had this reaction because i’m the past I would glamorize these videos of me smoking and using)
I didn’t even realize in the moment because I was too high to even see the small details. First off, of course my pupils are beyond big but they are also shaking. I used to never think of myself as a “tweak” cos I grew up in a nice area, I was hygienically clean, pretty and took care of myself. Im these videos it’s clear, i was tweaking out. I can’t imagine how people put up with me. I mean they were all using too. I used to the point of becoming psychically sick. It just triggered me to finally be able to see through myself. It just makes me sad. My mindset used to be messed up. It’s not cool to post pics of yourself high it’s just sad, gross and disappointing.
We recover 
I finally can say confidently my mental obsession with drugs is no longer. I have no desire to get high. It’s so freeing to not be constantly stressed when my next hit will be. I don’t have to plead out to just feel okay. I thought it was an endless bottomless black dark hole I was too far deep to crawl out. That blackhole inside has closed. I learn to love myself and grow every day with lots of therapy, yoga, and mindfulness. If my core issues were not addressed I know I would have gone back to using. Please reach out for help, I promise it gets better. If your ever feeling down, feel free to (っ'-')╮=͟͟͞͞ 
DM. I know how excruciating the pain inside feels and no one understanding.
Here are some during using and after using pics (for educational purposes only!! pls no judgements you probs looks just as silly!!)
We do recover. We no longer have to be that person we once were. We are no longer stuck. We are finally free. We have taken our power of choice back. Looking back is tough, but it’s also important to see the past in a new light. We forgive ourselves. We were sick, and we didn’t know what we didn’t know. Today we choose to heal and grow. Such a blessing to have gotten past that part of life’s journey. A lot of people never do. Go live a good life Two, and always stay mindful of your experiences
Daily growth for sure. Thank you for sharing.
Great post just great the same thing happened to me I was looking at some pics a while back and even though I was smiling I look like I should have been in a hospital dying I mean it's straight up disturbing, but we use this as a tool to never go back to using again...
frr you understand !! it is disturbing (；′⌒`)
I use it as inspiration,look how much we've grown,
You look great!
I absolutely love your story. You are special.
So glad you found your way to a better life! We all have pics as a reminder. Use them as strength always!
Thank You for Sharing a Piece of Your Recovery Story!
Your Story Matters!
thank you!! your special and unique too! One day at a time a new beginning will come
Huge step! Keep progressing!!!