Weakness from what I perceive it to be has never

Recovery
#1

Weakness from what I perceive it to be has never been something I could accept based on how my life has been …. Brain won’t turn off

Over and over again all I hear is ohhh what’s the point of this conversation what’s the purpose oh we can’t talk about what’s up because you drank this or drank that
And I’m like but I wanna talk to you about it about everything. but you don’t care … but when I’m sober you tell me that your brain doesn’t work I’m like I’m sober and you can’t talk now I implode and I start abusing substances and now you can talk … to tell me how shitty I am and conveniently forget when I came to you sober to try and be better ………

My brain just doesn’t wanna shut off rn SMH

Too many dumbass thoughts that don’t need to be there … (venting)

And that’s why I’m my last post I said I’m embarrassed cuz then I get pissed at my self for my decisions even tho it’s all from pain …. And I’m just like stfu NIK STFU
STOP FUCKING TALKING NIK IT JUST RUINS EVERYTHING
then I implode .. and make dumbass decisions and abuse substances and then feel like a fucking bitch ass piece of shut after
Thinking why the fuck do you deserve peoooe to listen to you you don’t have a right to talk or speak or anything

(Double bladed sword). But my poker face is good
So at the end of the day I’m alone in this battle between truama substances for coping and my self and the rest of the world (always fuckkng fighting and I’m tired)

Which is why I came here

Just venting …. Talking to my self tonight so I figured why not post it …

1 Like
#2

We all need to vent sometimes. You'll find a lot of people who are able and willing to talk here. As far as feeling embarrassed by past decisions, we can all relate to that, too. You're not alone in what you're feeling and you won't find any judgement here. It takes some serious strength to not only recognize, but acknowledge, out loud, that you're in pain. I applaud your vulnerability and honesty.

2 Likes
#3

I have a post-it very prominently placed in my house that says, “you don’t have to fight anymore.” Sometimes I remember that, sometimes I don’t and have to deal with the consequences of my actions. I know it’s a corny hack, but man, that post it helps.

It is so exhausting to fight. I fight everything, and most of it internally. You know what faith is to me? Letting go.

2 Likes
#4

I don’t mean religious faith, or even spiritual, to clarify… just faith in anything. That things will work out. That things already ARE working out, whether I see it or not.

Thank you for this post. It has helped me :blue_heart:

1 Like
#5

Thank you

#6

Thank you so much yes I agree and I don’t think it’s corny I talk to my self like that all the time it’s good to have reminders to lift your self up cuz it’s not easy at all.
Glad I can help
I’ll be here if you need to talk jusg hit me up

#7

:pray:t6::pray:t6::pray:t6::pray:t6::pray:t6::pray:t6: