Weirdest temptation today. I went to my boyfriends place to grab some stuff for our trip. He had an open bottle of whiskey in a little bag with other mixers and food. My brain practically screamed: “Nobody would know!! You’re just going home after this! You wouldn’t even have to lie about it! You’ve got 6 months already, one slip is no big deal! You earned it!!”
The thoughts felt so bizarrely out of place that it snapped me out of it. But it’s really creepy to me that my thoughts can rapidly switch back like that. Eesh!
18 Likes
Thanks for sharing this. Can totally relate. The surprise attack!
These thoughts can creep in and creep you out. I've had that experience when I was in Vegas visiting my cousin. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, a thought suddenly invaded my mind after almost 5 years. It passed.
All the best to you.
Yeah the demon living in all of us is always waiting for a moment to strike. The “you earned it” is the big one for me. Validation for a job well done… but the job of remaining sober is never done. We need to keep working it everyday. Great job not picking up.
5 Likes
Ahhhh, doesn’t your bf know what you are doing? Hmmm. Hope you make it through that vacation all right with him using around you.
3 Likes
Be safe Kate. Way to lean into support when you need to.
1 Like
Same thing happened to me about a week or 2 ago. For me it was an intense craving for opiates. I started to get angry because I couldn’t focus on anything but my cravings and wanted to give in but didn’t. I have 7 years clean off heroin and the cravings still come sometimes really bad but don’t ever give up they always pass. Thank you for sharing i needed to read this, it helps so much when I can relate to someone else going through the same thing.
4 Likes
Ouch, I feel your pain! It’s crazy how little time it takes our minds to go from 0-100. It’s like the visual, crave, fantasize, plan, all in a matter of seconds. Great effing job snapping out of it! And then “telling on yourself” (at least to us). Telling on myself is one of my greatest tools. I’d encourage you to let your bf know what happened too.
If ever that voice tells you ‘no one would know’ remember to remind yourself that you’d know.
3 Likes
Yup, you're still an alcoholic!
1 Like
Yeah it’s crazy
1 Like
I'm starting to view me being sober as the "you earned it" part. It's taken a lot to shift my mentality (definitely wouldn't have happened if I was still drinking) and is going to take a whole lot more over life, but it's a nice start.
Hey Don!