Well tonight I sit here and I’m thinking which I’ve been doing a lot lately of myself and the good , the bad & the ugly… And today I’m honestly very proud of myself and this Caterpillar I started out in my Addiction, To Now I have become a butterfly and being sober 3- years, 4- months & 10 days… As of mid’night Today In my recovery from Meth and Pills I was literally a garbage can with a destructive mode that I was on!!! The great in my life today is waking up sober knowing that I’m worth working my program and proceeding forward!!! Yeah even I have bad days, So the bad is my Bipolar 1, manic depression and anxiety disorder I live with daily, My mental health problems and my past visions of who I was, Now no- longer her but having to face some of my past addiction life choices I try to make amends for! But; then more pop up so I totally understand and agree with the fact that we’re NEVER DONE WITH OUR DAILY 12- STEPS & WE WILL USE THEM FOR THE REST OF OUR LIFE AS TOOLS FOR OUR DAILY LIVES! Now the ugly…. Is facing the problem without running back to our choices that lead us to we’re- ever we are on our journey! See for most people they respond in NA Meetings &/ Or in person who are in Recovery from Addiction of any and all drugs because remember alcohol is a drug addiction too, Well I quote they say well I wouldn’t change a thing because it made me who I am today. But; we have to remember I / were only one hit &/ Or drink away… So for myself because we’re not all the same some people got to addiction and/ Or recovery different ways but; I would have changed the day I tried to be cool and just wanted so bad to fit into somewhere with someone, That it resulted in a vicious cycle for 10 years straight of heak for myself and my saying today is be you because if a friend/ person likes &/ Or loves you it’s for you not for a fake person a mask we put on far before Covid-19. But; Sometimes people like myself have to live it to understand that life and to unfortunately live and sadly learn the hard way! Because yes like I tell myself and my 18 year old beautiful daughter you can run over and over, But; at the end we have to face the problem one way or another. I had to fall and fall and then fall some- more to rise and at the end honestly for myself anyways it wasn’t worth the main thing that I was trying to do was fit in somewhere, Anywhere, @t any cost. And some people like the law thinks it all stems from Home nope for me it was being the pushed away- outcast- in school. Which lead myself into many dumb situations over addiction. So my message for anyone else who can relate to me and my 2 a.m, story of real doo- doo… Always watch for signs in our friends and family because bullying and just wanting to fit in soooo bad can lead to a quick downfall spiral. If my message touched one person tonight I’ve been of service!!
Please let me know what you think &/ Or if you need to talk or a internet friend I’m here through the power of my sobriety!!! Good luck on your journey and good night!
