So after taking a few xans after drinking a bottle of wine and stealing my brothers dab pen and ruining my longest streak of 3 1/2 months w/out weed I finally decided that yeah maybe I am addicted enough to fit in at NA? It sucks that there’s this stigma in my head that says I need to be shooting up dope or constantly snorting coke before I get help. I don’t want that to be my low. I don’t want to be taking xans every weekend before I say I’m an addict. I’m 100% positive if I had more drugs around me or more money to spend on drugs or knew people who did those kinds of drugs I’d be doing the same thing. Idk I think a part of me would be too embarrassed to ever so drugs like heroine but idk how that works. Why am I not too embarrassed to steal my moms xans? Ya know.. Like again, enoughs enough.. Idk how much drug use is needed to justify getting help. I just don’t want to feel like I’m just being an attention seeker, ya know? I didn’t tell anyone specifically bc I don’t wanna bring attention to it. What if I don’t go through with it? Idk. I want to recover but a part of me just really wants to try all of the drugs. But also I want to be stable and you can’t both be stable and an active drug user. Idk
I’ve always believed that the drugs and whatever else we fill ourselves up w are such a fraction of the bigger issue. I think it’s super cool you’re even evaluating what lower bottom you could have and choosing to not do that.. It’s super scary what is circulating these days and you never know what you’re getting when you buy it online or on the streets. I don’t see any of what you said as attention seeking.. more considering all sides of things and trying to sort through it. Relapse is relapse. Just do your best each day and your time will be back ❤️🩹
I can only tell you what my sponsor told me. If you take your drug and alcohol usage more serious, and give them more thought, and more attention, than you do your life??? You have a problem. And it’s PAST time to fix it. So that’s where it’s at. And nobody can know for you. You have to come to that realization in your heart.
Well, you have youth in your way. Here’s a tip, get rid of that word “but”. Means what you said before it isn’t true. Just hope you can find a balance in life and realize you probably have an addiction. Can’t be cured, yet can be arrested. Hope you don’t have to hit rock bottom. It really sux hitting it.
Your bottom will be wherever you decide it is. You definitely qualify to join NA/AA, keep going please. Try praying to a higher power even if you don’t believe. You may find a higher power believes in you.
If you are doing those things go look in the mirror
Your honesty is inspiring, Natalia. I’ve been struggling as well with both wanting to succeed in recovery, & also just wanting to say screw it & start drinking again. I’m hoping that whatever meeting you’re attending is welcoming. I’ve never been to a meeting personally, because of some of the reason you’ve mentioned. I feel as if I’m expected to fit some mold or example of what an addict is supposed to be. You’re not being an attention seeker by ANY means. And in my opinion, any drug use that you deem a problem justifies help. Really you deserve to feel comfortable asking for help at all times, even though I know it’s not easy. I’m always here if you need a non-judgmental ear, & I’m wishing you all the happiness & peace.
i feel like i was super conflicted at first too, but now i feel completely different about it because as much as i did to keep up with my addiction i could have put that effort into something else. then i think dang now i’m behind on life but that’s not really true. it comes from within when you decide when you want to end the cycle. going to your first NA meeting is a huge step! everyone has a different journey but using isn’t really as normal as we may convince ourselves it may be. how was your first meeting???? i might be rambling but i hope this helps 
People who aren't addicts don't steal from their moms xans and run around doing conniving sh!t. Glad you made it to a meeting. Like I said, drugs and alcohol are only a symptom, the real problem is us, our behaviors and our thinking. "Normal" people don't question if they have a problem. There are all types of people at all walks of addiction/alcoholism at meetings, binge drinkers, too heavy weekend drinkers, blackout drinkers, non stop drinkers etc....I've never been to a meeting that judges you based on how much or what you use. And also like I said before, your honesty and transparency is admirable. I was on the fence until about 10 years ago and I am 36. I've had several years sober multiple times and went back out to see if I was "cured" and learned quickly that I wasn't. I went from smoking weed and drinking occasionally to popping xans and percs (stealing them from my grandfather) to smoking crack and snorting heroin and overdosing several times because I wanted to try all the drugs like you. Please don't take that mindset, especially nowadays, I know people that have died from taking fake pills laced with fentanyl. You never know. I have tried almost every drug out there and I'm telling you, it isn't worth the regret and wasted time I could've been succeeding in life and bettering myself, all it did was regress me. Things are great now though that I am sober. Not trying to brag but inspire - Married, just closed on an 800,000 house in Fort Lauderdale, car, great career (actually got my license while in prison) beautiful 2.5 year old daughter and amazing friends in recovery. This road is so worth it but it's hard work.
Don’t feel alone. I have been in na for years and have met many people who only smoked week and saw it was making their life unmanageable. It’s very inspiring to me, that you don’t have to go down into the pits before realizing that you need some help.
I was told in my first treatment center that if substances are causing a problem in your life it’s a problem. I’m proud of you for going despite all the thoughts telling you not to go. My addiction also told me I wasn’t “sick enough” but the thing is it just gets worse. I had arrests, I had criminal charges, I had overdosed, I’d none unspeakable things but I couldn’t see the problem. It wasn’t any of these things that made me put it down. It was a shift in my own thinking, a realization that the consequences were just gonna keep coming and I was not happy and needed help to stop. I was in rehab with people who were hooked on everything from ambien to heroin but I would look for the similarities not the differences. I don’t believe in rock bottoms because lord knows I’ve had several, but all you need to join NA is a desire to stop using. Keep coming back 