We're am I'm today? I'm clean but having dirty memories

We're am I'm today? I'm clean but having dirty memories. Will I fail or succeed? I have my higher power (god) but the evil is calling using my other as a weapon against me. I send a goodbye to her but she is my life . My love is so true to her but she is weak minded. What am I to do
Turn my back and loose my family or carry a life of regrets for being a weak man