Couldn’t even get to one week. Drank again terribly last night. My wife has had enough. Won’t sleep in same bed anymore. This is horrible. I just want to stop doing this, for me and my family.
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In my opinion, it sounds as if you are passed the point of no return with your drinking. Whatever you are doing to try and stop is not working for you. I believe you need outside help. Once you get to this point, you will only continue to frustrate and humiliate yourself. It’s time to accept that you have an illness, and start getting the help you need before you lose everything. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. Maybe you can find a treatment facility in your area where you can learn about alcoholism, and learn how to treat it. I have been where you are. Many of us have been where you are. Unfortunately, it often takes multiple failures and misery to get to the point for us to accept our problem and get help. You are not alone. Find the strength and courage to go get help!
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Today is a new day. It might be worth it to look into treatment options. Some are out patent. Call the number on the back of your insurance card and they should be able to tell you who accepts your ins.
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Lee and Rachel are correct. Sounds like you are at the bottom. Recovery is a we thing. There is no shame in getting outside help. Learning the tools to kick addiction is vital. You could also go to an ER and ask for a medical detox. They can help find a treatment facility and help get you a bed.
Right now don’t worry about fixing everything. You are not in a place to do that yet. Just get the help and the rest will fall as it does. Good luck man.
Think of the disease of alcoholism the same way you think of cancer. You wouldn’t beat yourself up and feel immense shame and guilt for not being able to cure yourself of cancer. You’d speak to experts, get a diagnosis and then make a plan for treatment. Alcoholism is no different.
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Men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol. The sensation is so elusive that, while they admit it is injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false. To them, their alcoholic life seems the only normal one. They are
restless, irritable and discontented
unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks—drinks which they see others taking with impunity. After they have succumbed to the desire again, as so many do, and the
phenomenon of craving
develops, they pass through the well-known stages of a spree, emerging remorseful, with a firm resolution not to drink again. This is repeated over and over, and unless this person can experience an
entire psychic change
there is very little hope of his or her recovery.”
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Have you tried the big book app? There are AA meetings on there and there’s always one on. I go to What’s Good About Today. Its a zoom meeting. I had to do three meetings today. It was a very stressful day. But you’ve got this! Do the steps. I’m about to start step four. I relapsed several times. Most people do. It’s going to be okay I promise! You have to really want to stop and it sounds like this is rock bottom. I hit rock bottom two months ago. YOU CAN DO THIS!!! 
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This is so very true!!!!
Get yourself to a meeting & get a sponsor ! I can’t do this alone & it doesn’t sound like you can either !
Thanks so much for the encouragement. I did two meetings myself today . I do need to get a sponsor. In the past I’ve only been doing AA “part time” . I need to be fully committed. Let’s hope for better days tomorrow!
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Thank you! I do need a sponsor. Went to two meetings today. I need to commit 100%.
Yes! Tomorrow is a fresh new day! Remember your higher power is there with you always and will help you through this!
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