I believe someone very close to me who is also in recovery falls under the AA definition of a dry drunk. I work a program and this person stopped a while ago, which would be fine if he were working on himself in some fashion. But he’s not - no fellowship, no therapy, no reaching out, no getting honest. I love this person very much but I am concerned that our relationship may not sustain our vastly different paths of growth and self discovery. Do you have experience with a dry drunk? Any suggestions?
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Angry, blame, victim mentality, always right, irritable, discontented.
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Relationships are difficult, especially when you are going thru so many changes and growth. My only suggestion is that you keep on your path. Don’t let anyone hold you back. I believe you’re either moving forward or you’re going backwards. Life is like walking on a treadmill. If you’re standing still, you are going backwards. Talk to your partner open and honestly. He has a choice…and so do you 
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As has been said already. The most important thing must be my sobriety. Without it I have nothing. I have experience in the dry drink area. I recommend you talk to your sponsor about it and consider the ALANON program.
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Victim mentality is really challenging for me to be understanding of.
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Thank you. That helped a lot.
My sponsor also suggested alanon. Thank you for that reminder.
I went through a 2 week dry drunk myself. It was my sponsor, best friend, and wife that kept talking to me and helping me get back on track. You can’t force anyone to work a program, you can only make sure you are working on yourself. The ALANON suggestion is good. Unfortunately you also need to be willing to walk away if your recovery is in jeopardy. Keep to your own path.
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AA isn’t for everyone. I know several recovering alcoholics who don’t do aa. They do their own thing be it church, spiritual as a opposed to religion, Buddhism, Dudeism, etc. I don’t do AA all the way and I’m extremely happy today, and sober! Hey, if it keeps someone from drinking, I’m supportive!! Just my personal thoughts!… do what works for you, you have to put you first!!
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Thank you for sharing your experience.
Many paths to choose from. My concern is when there is no path really being walked upon. I need to release my opinion of this because it’s not for me to decide.
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“Let each man take the path according to his capacity, understanding and temperament. His true guru will meet him along that path.”
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The literature puts it this way. If our loved ones are on a path of sobriety we support and encourage. If not, we don’t admonish them, we don’t direct them, we allow them the dignity of making their own choices. We act according to their choices.
I know nobody could get me into the program until I wanted to go.
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Thank you. That helps put things in perspective
Thank you for sharing this. It helps a lot.
I ruined a relationship because I was what we call a dry drunk. We can’t do it on our own. I placed the relationship before my program (AA) and look where it got me. I would consider having a very in depth sit-down with the person and put it all on the table. Write down your thoughts so nothing gets left unsaid.
Thank you for sharing this. I appreciate it.
My first sponsor and temporary roommate was a dry drunk. He went to atleast 4 meetings a day, had the big book memorized and preached like the gospel. On top of almost 30 years sober. But he was the most bitter old man behind closed doors. Cheated on every girlfriend he had. Stole from his friends, and lied to your face. Best thing he taught me was how not to do a program. I tried to help him when I could. But the best thing for both of us was to cut ties. That being said, its a much more difficult situation when you're close with the other person. But if they refuse to change and it negatively affects your sobriety. It'll likely be a unpleasant situagion eventually.
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