What to do with “AA isn’t for me”?

Recovery
#1

I often see people say AA isn’t for them. I do not think AA is perfect and there are some things I don’t agree with, BUT the fellowship works for me. I take what I need and leave the rest.

I don’t mean this critically but as a real question. How badly do you want to get sober? Are you willing to go to any length? If so, you can’t say it’s not for you. There are other good programs too, but to say you want to get sober but are unwilling to go join a program (once again, doesn’t have to be AA), I have to wonder how badly you really want it?

How do you answer these types of statements?

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#2

Good question! I say that statistically speaking, the chances of getting and staying sober are much much higher if you actively work a program of recovery. I also try and push the fellowship, because it’s really difficult and lonely to live a sober life when everyone around you is drinking.

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#3

I like this post. I feel the same way. I feel like sometimes when you ask people if they are working a program and they know you're "pushing AA" that they are looking at you like you're a cult member or something haha. They never really give you a good reason as to why it "didn't work for them" and most of the time it seems they just dismissed it without really investigating the program.

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#4

But I’m wondering why those who chose another path or group need to explain why it didn’t work to justify their answer? I’m with WFS and think SMART is also a brilliant program (my sister has blossomed and been sober many years through this) I don’t say it’s not for me because I haven’t tried or don’t know anything about it. I’m unsure of why us that do chose a different route have to justify it to those that feel we need to be answering “why not” correctly. We don’t owe anything except doing our best and taking care of ourselves and our family. Again, we are all just doing our best, and that’s ok, even if the road looks different.

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#5

I have no desire to join a program but I don’t think programs are necessary to sobriety. I think people differ so much that there is no one right path to getting sober. I am willing to quit drinking and exercise more and educate myself more on addiction etc. I am willing to sign up for AF classes and events but as for “programs” (especially AA) I find the idea extremely unappealing.

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#6

I think it’s worth it to try programs, AA is a good start but if you don’t like it then try something else. With that being said, I don’t think programs are necessary for every person who wants to be sober. Yes, they will help the vast majority of people but there are definitely those who it just doesn’t really work for. I myself went to several different programs for my first few months sobriety, but haven’t since and am now 3+ years sober so take me as an example.

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#7

What I did was go with an open mind. Build community, take what you need and leave what you don’t. A big part of recovery is, building a sober support network. Go and if nothing else , try to make some connections. Give yourself self a starting timeframe, then extend it as you feel comfortable. I didn’t think it was for me either, but I used it as one of my tools to create stable and sustainable sobriety. Remember, everyone in those rooms have been, or are where you are. Also make sure you use tools on top of A.A. And maybe you should bring this up as a meeting topic and here what others thought in the beginning. But in the end , make sure you do what works for you best. Good luck

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#8

Different things work for different people. I just left AA because it wasn’t serving me or my sobriety any longer. Going daily made me stressed and I value my free time

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#9

i get asked this all the time when my sobriety comes up. im not in aa or any groups of any sort. I have a few friends and contacts that are sober who inspire me a lot. i guess i just feel like alcohol and drinking was a rusty old unsafe screwdriver in my toolbox and when i quit, i figured out what new tools i wanted to replace it with. i had to figure out what i was using the old tool for, which was destruction. and now whenever those feelings of destruction come up, i look in my tool box, my brain, my new mechanisms, and i fix my problems with what i have. and through gratitude, i keep from reaching in the trash. that’s just me though, idk about everyone else.

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#10

I ask them simply well how many times did you give it? I suggest 3 times and if by the 3rd time it doesn't work then I suggest maybe outpatient groups and therapy and if they don't want to put any effort into any of it then the ball in their court at that point and honestly sometimes meetings just aren't for people and we need to accept that because we do have free will.

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#11

I think the whole explaining yourself for leaving is apart of the group consciousness. It’s a little brainwashy and I’ll say this, I had no individualism.

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#12

That was me at the beginning of the year. And I personally turned to my church and started spending time there. Whatever works for people as long as they remain sober and not dry sober either but actively doing something for their sobriety.

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#13

Thank you for your honesty

#14

I love how this is worded. Makes clear sense

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#15

I really like this post! I generally “push” people to get involved with a program, but that’s because they aren’t happy and are asking for help. In your case, keep doing what your doing. You have your own “program” that is working well for you. Very cool.

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#16

How badly did I want to get sober? Bad enough that I was willing to try anything and go to any length. And for me, that included AA at one time. But I did not stay. I personally experienced some pretty toxic behavior there (sexual harassment and sponsors with no sense of boundaries). I also knew that the research demonstrates that the long-term sobriety rate (defined as longer than a year) through AA alone hovers around the 5% number. So I think your question is well-meaning based on your own experience but disingenuous based on the fact that there are many ways to get sober, and plenty of people who get there without ever setting foot in any kind of support group. Some use counseling, some use 12 step groups, some use medication to taper off and some just decide they've had enough of alcohol in their lives. For me, I applaud anyone who is able to stop poisoning themselves. How they do it is not my business unless they decide to share with me freely.

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#17

They’re right. AA isn’t for everyone, it’s not for those of us who need it. It’s not for those of us who want it. It’s for those of us, who work it. How do you work it, you might ask. It all starts with not drinking and going to meetings.

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#18

Did it for 6 months too.

#19

I haven’t been to a meeting since I actually decided to get sober. Does that invalidate my sobriety?

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#20

Attraction not promotion. It's their choice