What to do?

Struggling Help
#1

What does one do when you are losing the fight and you know it?

Those who love you enough to possibly make a difference are tired of hearing it, and it's a painful experience that just can't continue.

You fear that by not expressing the dark thoughts they will win. Yet you dont have a safe place to express these thoughts anymore?
You can't express how you truly feel to your mental health professional, because it would have tou committed every time. Severe chronic pain and dark thoughts feel inevitable. Certainly Ive never found a permanent or long lasting way out of them... I'm scared to death.

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#2

The only thing that got me through those rough times and any more to come in the future is prayer and my conscious contact with my Higher Power!! We had many conversations daily in the beginning...mostly me just putting my thoughts and feelings out there, mostly me yelling and crying and pissed and all over the place!! But it helped and I felt some small sense of peace so I could then call my sponsor or a trusted friend in the program to talk it all out. I think I can say most of us have been there, are there or will be there where you are!! Hang in there...just don't use/drink and throw yourself into your program, read the literature, go to meetings, ask for help from new people if the old ones can't help anymore. Keep putting it out here...whatever it takes!!! It does get better...we do learn to work through all those emotions and thoughts in healthier ways!!! Just stay sober...one minute at a time if that's what it takes!!

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#3

Thank you. You are 100% correct. All good advice I've received has echoed the same. I feel like a new man already. I lost my way a bit. I was focused on the pain instead of the purpose. Thank you Michelle.

Please forgive me if this post was whatsoever triggering. I truly needed this help otherwise I don't believe I would have made it through the night.

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#4

What you shared takes courage. When everything feels dark and heavy, connection can be the one thing that helps keep us grounded. Please don’t keep this all inside. You deserve support that doesn’t shame or silence you. You matter. Your life matters. Keep reaching out.

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#5

Thank you. Less than 48hrs ago I posted saying " No mam is an island"

While I lay alone for 8 days in pain, incapable of taking care of myself, surrounded by friends and family who would jump at the opportunity to help. Perhaps even need to help someone for their own mental peace.

Yet I was afraid to pick up the phone. Almost cost me my life...

DONT BE LIKE FOOLISH ME. PICK UP THE PHONE. SAVE A LIFE. ESPECIALLY YOUR OWN...

#6

It's so good to see us supporting each other on here. Josh Ua you're in my prayers. Pray and keep reaching out for support. The worst thing we can do is to keep it to ourselves. Thanks to you and Michelle for being honest and sharing, and using your experience to help others :pray:

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#7

You are most welcome and thank you, Michelle, Mandy, Crissy and everyone else for your support and for reminding me there is purpose in sharing my story as well.

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#8

Hang in there brother. Let your pride go and ask for help. We all need it. Then lean on your higher power. If he can help us recover from a “seemingly hopeless state of mind and body” then he can help us anywhere.
“We will outgrow fear”

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#9

MANNNNN! Matt I always love and appreciate your deep knowledge of the big book. Now ai have to post the whole message bc Idk I've heard this one before, sounds familiar but really hits home! Thank you, Sir!

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#10

Yep bet Josh. You’re helping me tonight.
It’s page 68 of the Big Book 3rd paragraph.
Basically all of page 68

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#11

Perfecto. Thank you!

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#12

Josh, that’s why the sober community is vital to stay connected with. We are all efffing crazy! Just not on the same day, usually😁.
You can lean on us, we understand and can totally relate.
I don’t lay my darkness on so called “normies”. Recovering addicts are my peeps!

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#13

Hey brother, Joshua S here (new phone, app data didn't backup etc.)

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. There's a verse in an August burns red song that says 'you can't lose a fight that you could never win'. Perhaps this is just a journey, and your victory has already been won despite your current feelings. You are an inspiration to me man, that's for sure.

I know pain invites dark thoughts in, and whether you find out how to destroy them regardless of the pain or not, you are one heck of a guy and I'm grateful for you. You've inspired me when. I was down, and up.

Man I just wish you the best brother, you are a kick a$$ dude for sure.

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#14

Joshua S. Thx. I believe you are right. I have gotten that same message a few times since posting this.

I will be good. Trusting the process is so d@mn tough

#15

Ya know, Danny, I never really thought about that. I dont ever "lay my darkness" on anyone until it becomes imminent. Save my MH doctors, I guess. That hasn't worked out very well.

That said, I will try to adopt your way. It makes sense. I honestly believe I am free of those thoughts for good, but if not, I have tools.