I’ve seen several folks post about this topic in various ways lately, so I wanted to share where my head is at 7 months sober…
Being alone is just a natural state of being. It’s part of the human experience in our modern society. Being lonely is when we resent that state of being. The two are connected but independent.
Before my sobriety I was always uncomfortable being alone so I felt lonely any time it happened. After getting sober I became more comfortable with being alone, which is part of the transformation process as we shed the habits of our past. Loneliness seeps in when we forget to replace those habits with new ones that create new practices to remain present in the moment, so we resent being alone.
When I’m feeling lonely, I remind myself that the hole I filled with drugs and alcohol is still there (although much smaller these days) and that is causing me to resent not having something (or someone) to fill it, so I can avoid the discomfort of doing the work to heal it more. Holidays are especially hard for me because they are devoid of family these days and most of my friends, and force myself to sit in the discomfort and quiet of being alone. It’s a healthy form of self-isolation that allows me to continue to heal the hole that leads to my addictive behaviors.
It’s still hard. It’s still sad. But when I can escape the self-pity and realize it’s also a gift to find that space for myself, I’m reminded of how good being alone can be for me. When I’m focused too much on the outside world, I lose touch with my body and my health suffers. When I allow myself the grace to feel ALL the feels including loneliness, I can process and move forward to get back into the present and take better care of myself.
I hope some of this rambling helps you find a different perspective and realize that you are not alone in your suffering and that sometimes suffering needs to happen in order to heal and move forward. Be well.