When my baby cries, I want to drink. I’ve lost who I was and hate being a mom and hate myself for thinking that way because I love my children.
Could be all that hate is a result of using. Just don’t use and the hate will subside. Life on life’s terms. Let that love take control.
You hate being a mom, but you love your children. You love your children, that’s the important part. I hope you can hear and see yourself saying that. Make sure to be kind to yourself and when you have some downtime take care of yourself. You’ll need the rest for what’s ahead in your parenthood. Parenthood is overwhelming sometimes; I doubt anyone of us can say that we love it all the the time. But we do love our kids. I know this community supports your sobriety and your love for your children.
Hi Carrie, you don't mention how old your baby is but it sounds like post partum depression. I think you should talk with your OBGYN. It is a real thing. I may be a guy but I know Moms are beyond special. Please talk to your Dr. honestly they can help. You are never alone here. You ever want to chat you know how to find me.
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Thanks everyone for your supportive comments. I know it’s depression because I’ve battled depression even pre-baby. I will talk to my doctor.
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You have the hardest job on the planet girlfriend. I used to cry when my baby cried because I was exhausted. Make sure you have enough help. Praying for you 
Replace those thoughts with thoughts of gratitude for being blessed with those little lives. Be their hero.