When people ask me about my drinking and drug past I try and explain:
....drinking and getting high are but a symptom of my disease. It was the confusing pain reliever to a much deeper and more dangerous true disease and or malady.
...my disease is I'm restless, irritable, and discontent. I am for whatever reason simply said "ALWAYS UNCOMFORTABLE IN MY OWN SKIN". I simply drank and got high to numb this.
...so when sober people or I specifically talk about doing 12 steps and especially a fearless moral inventory it's because I need to trace as best as is possible the true reasons for MY restlessness, my irritability, and my discontent with myself. Then daily work on changing actions, and patterns. It never goes away completely. I can't fool myself into believing this. It comes and goes less frequently as I build habits that allow for some sort of balance and peace. Time is my truest ally. THE DAY! But there will always be that one day. Thats why I need to be around other sober people.
..."Earth people" never have to do this. They have things they don't like but its balances with at least as much they do like. They have that balance. I SEEK balance! I SEEK peace. Thats what doing the step work in AA is all about. "Earth People" will never know the feeling that is not knowing the next time, and the level of power that might bring it all back.
....addicts and alcoholics need to be OK with knowing in their heart they need to be vigilant.
They need to work continuously
If that helps or just plain makes sense...say hi.
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Mahalo!
