I’m new to all of this. Today I am 3 weeks sober from alcohol and 7 months clean from coke. I’ve always had a problem with taking things to far and not knowing when to stop. I have tried several times to get clean and sober but never made it this far. Lately on Instagram I’ve been following a lot of sober accounts. They all post these great videos and pics of having fun sober. I just don’t get it. I feel like sh*t. This is not fun. I don’t even know how to have fun like this. Does it really get better? The same thing in my AA meetings. Everyone is so grateful and happy. I just don’t feel that at all. Thanks for listening. I’m having a really hard day.
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I just go all in, no expectations, totally open. It does get better once you let go of controlling the outcome. Be present in the moment, see things for what they are, not what you want them to be. Radiate kindness and the world around you will start to reciprocate. Way to go on kicking the powder and nearly a month from booze. Well done!! The obsession of the mind is the hardest thing to kick. Living sober is new to all of us and it can be a struggle but remind yourself this is a better struggle than what we once endured.
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Have you read the Living Sober book? Has a lot of good things to say about finding fun without liquor and drugs.
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I have not. I will definitely get that this week. Thank you.
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I’m three years sober next week and I still struggle with ‘fun’. After 30 years it’s going to take me some time. It doesn’t happen overnight.
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Yes, it gets better. One day at a time in sobriety. Hang in there and don’t leave before the miracle happens.
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While the consequences from drinking and dragging 10 to accumulate pretty quickly, often times, especially in the beginning growth can be painfully slow. It’s important to be patient and recognize that the work is an exponential curve, Meaning the rewards are pretty low at the beginning and get increasingly richer as time goes on. Be patient my friend! Feel free to direct message if you have any questions. 
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It took me a few months to learn that I was allowed to have fun. I needed to get through my 4/5 step in AA, and really work on the underlying issues I had… but the last 7 months have been amazing! It can happen if you let it. Be gentle on yourself, change takes time. You can get there I promise you.
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Find something to do that doesn’t involve drink or drugs. It could be anything.
When I was newly sober I started going to comedy shows in a coffee house because that place didn’t serve alcohol. I ended up meeting some great people I’m still friends with today.
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I can relate to how you feel. I’m almost a year sober and I still struggle to let loose. I think it’s because of my anxiety and learning to manage it versus numb it. At three weeks alcohol free, I was miserable. Now, I can manage my day, face my responsibilities and find gratitude in small things. That, to me, is a great reward of sobriety. It’s also really fun going to amusement parks sober, watching the sun set, taking a walk in nature - so many things I failed to appreciate when drinking. Maybe it’s not crazy fun, but it’s contentedness and inner joy. It’s all a process and it does improve. We have to be patient.
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Finally, someone else says it too!
I completely agree with you. When does the fun begin? Where is this new awesome, happy go lucky rainbows and unicorns sh*tting lucky charms life everybody else has that I’m missing!?
That’s real, and it’s completely expected to feel left out of all this “fun.” I spent months just getting through a day. Paying a bill. Making a meal. Getting to five o’clock without going insane on those ungrateful sonsofb*tches at work.
D@mn, it felt like an eternity, and I still really have to force myself to feel “happy” on a daily basis. Sometimes it’s okay to just “wallow.”
There’s an important part of you called “the shadow” that you need to look deep into and understand. Jung wrote about it, other psychoanalysts talked about it. It’s worth looking into. I read a lot of Russian existentialism to try and help me understand why I felt so p*ssy and bitter all the time.
It’s a daily struggle. I am rambling. Just, know that you are not alone in this struggle. Doesn’t have to be constantly a good time.
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Yes! Exactly. Thank you. I will look into reading about that.
I can’t thank all of you enough. You have all helped me stay clean and sober another day. Thank you.
I’m at the point where I’m noticing there are a lot of people out doing things with no drinks in there hands!
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The Russell brand book about sobriety was huge for me. He makes it relatable. Highly recommend
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Hi Michelle, congratulations on your sobriety!! It’s really hard to do what you’ve done. And it does take time to relearn “fun”.
If I think back to what I thought was fun when I was all fucked up, I now see it for what it really was. A cycle of fear, shame, regret and misery. So I took myself back to the time in my life before I started drinking and smoking weed. What did I like? Swimming, bicycling, camping, music, simple good clean fun activities. And guess what? They’re still fun. I’m lucky in that my kids are 10 and 12, perfect ages for me to have fun with them.
Go be a kid again. It’s fun.
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Hi! I’ve never really commented before but your post struck a chord. You sound SO similar to me. My “rock bottom” looked very different to most people I’ve met through AA which made it hard. I didn’t lose everything the way others had, I just have always felt like I didn’t have that off-switch that most other people seemed to have. If I liked something, I kept doing it to an extreme. Anyway, as far as your question goes- I’m 9 months sober now and I have to admit that the first couple months were not great. Everyone at meetings seemed like they were so grateful for a peaceful/boring life because the state of their lives before was so terrible. I could NOT relate. However, I will say that I had to relearn how to have fun without partying. (Honestly I’m still working on it). But what helped for me was to take up new hobbies like yoga/the gym, paddleboarding, hiking etc. I also joined things like a summer kickball league in my area, a runner’s club that went out to dinner after, and pole dancing classes. Slowly but surely as the months passed my life began to get more interesting and exciting. Now, I hardly notice at social gatherings when others are drinking and I’m not. I just wake up feeling refreshed, hangover free and ready to tackle the day. Hang in there- it gets better 
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Ps- something I forgot to mention was that for a lot of these activities I used the free “meet up” app! Also look on FB communities in your area! Oh also- last idea is to train for something like a half marathon or triathalon! When I got sober I made a list of things I couldn’t do while partying all the time and this was big on my list. I started super slow and worked my way up but met so many amazing people along the way! Ps- last thing that helped SO much was that I got a small notebook and started a little gratitude journal. Every day I try to write 10 things (however small) that I’m grateful for and my number one is ALWAYS my sobriety It seemed like that shifted my perspective each day and reminded me of everything I was gaining by letting go of booze.
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It takes a while. I’m in the same condition myself…but we gotta go through the steps and make connections in recovery to other people in recovery. I’m going to a recovery picnic on the 6th which should be fun. But it takes work to get there. It’s worth it though, I’ve been at that point before so I know it works, just take it one day at a time.
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I've mention before but the YPAA (Young People's of AA) communities are all over the country so see if there are any events near you. They get down, alot of fun stuff going on.
Alcohol and drugs are symptoms of our disease, you take them away we are still at dis-ease. I was full to the brim with resentment, fear, guilt, shame. I had no room for anything else. I couldn't appreciate the fun moments because I was all in my head. The steps gave me the opportunity let go of things in order to connect better (with everything including "fun") It's a new way of living, it served me no good comparing it to the old ways I'd have fun.
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