I really don't know why I'm feeling so on edge. I've been doing so well lately. June 30th, I'll have 1 year clean. I have a job that I really enjoy, I just moved back out of my parents' house into my own place, I'm on medication to regulate my mental health, and I even have a new doggie who is just the sweetest...but for some reason I feel closer to messing up now than I have in MONTHS. I am just itching to get high. I know I can't just do it once. I've been down that road too many times, and I know the misery it leads to, so why am I standing here with a match in my hand ready to burn it all down... AGAIN?
8 Likes
Find a meeting in your area and go tonight please. Save yourself the insanity.
4 Likes
Because thatās what our disease tells us to do. Good news is you donāt have to listen. Call your sponsor, get to a meeting, be of service. Get in the solution to how your feeling, then youāll feel better.
3 Likes
It talks about this exact thing in the book. We get life back and we want to āpull it all down upon ourselvesā
Iāve been there. There is a solution.
2 Likes
Thanks, man. I haven't really tried meetings before, and I don't have a sponsor. I've just been kind of muddling through on my own. I'm going to see if I can find a meeting tonight, though, because this ain't working anymore.
4 Likes
Good deal man. Give it a try. It works for me, it might for you too. Check it out.
2 Likes
Hang in there itās gonna get tough always does but you e came this far Iām proud of you if you ever need some to talk to Iām here for you as are so many that are here
2 Likes
I did the white knuckleing thing for 5 years several years ago. What a waste of life that was for me. I wasn't well emotionally, was just sober...I've finally strung together 2 yrs of AA meetings, and life is good! Give it a shot Kacey!
2 Likes
Moving can bring up a whole slew of unexpected emotions. Even when itās a move youāre excited about. I just moved into my own place to get away from an ex who was addicted to cocaine and alcohol, and cheating. Even though Iāve been so excited to get my own place and start fresh, moving brought up so much stress and anxiety and I came SO close to drinking again for the first time in almost 5 months. I even almost did cocaine again for the first time in 8 months to help me get everything done because I knew my ex had some laying around somewhere. All emotions aside, itās stressful on the nervous system to put your life in boxes and then have to unpack them and figure out a way to put it all back together in a new space. Youāre doing great, remember to be kind to yourselfš©µ
3 Likes
Thank you. I really needed to hear that. I just keep thinking, "This is a good thing, what's your problem?" I'm right there with you with trying to rationalize using. I know I'll get moved in way faster if I just got a little meth and it's very easy access for me as well. Anyway, I'm glad you were able to get away from the situation you were in all while staying sober!
stay strong !!! āuĀ·ļ½ŖĀ·uāit is our mind tricking us. im going thru the same thing and been itching to get high. I do my best to stay strong. I practice yoga which helps me ground myself. I keep myself busy so i donāt even have time to go pick up!! and just keep reminding myself how awful using rlly is. how sick i get, how miserable, and itās just pointless.
Go to a meeting! Itās a safe place and while your there for that hour your at least not getting high and hopefully take something away from the meeting.
Im here if you need a sober friend (^o^)äŗŗ(^o^)
(ć£'-')ā®=ĶĶĶĶ 
DM me if you wanna chat, vent , or whatever !!
1 Like
What may also help is finding some mental biohacking practices that you work for you. And something active like yoga or meditation classes. For me personally this has worked and have met some awesome people there who are clean/sober.
1 Like
Thank you 
. I am going to start practicing yoga again. I have no clue why I stopped.
Hey Kacey, sounds like things are going well, congratulations 
. What I've realized is the the positive effects of my drug of choice are all illusions. This stops me from wanting to get some and hoping that nothing bad comes of it. There is no good to be had from it, so I choose things that I like and are good for me. 2 years is awesome, and you can roll right through it clean and sober, continuing to build up your life!
2 Likes
Yepā¦ā¦thatās your disease talking to you. Try to get into action, whether itās a recovery meeting or talking to another sober peer. I find once I get into action whether meeting, exercising, or doing something tedious like chores. Itās a sure fire way of me getting out of myself and hitting the stop button on the self sabotage chatting that can sometimes go on in my mind.
1 Like
Do some push-ups and drink water and go to a meeting then eat delicious cow
1 Like
I agree 100% with Bill! Addiction wants US alone; that's when WE are at a disadvantage.
1 Like
Iām most vulnerable when I think I have it made. I believe we make the decision to pick up before we know we have made it. Give it all to your HP and double down on reaching out for contact, communication, and self expression with others in recovery. I like previous suggestions to attend meetings, make friendships and find a temporary sponsor at least.
1 Like
1 Like
Try going on-line to Smart Recovery. You are treated as a person with worth, with power who has addictive issues. It works for me.
2 Likes