White knuckling through tonight…

Recovery
#1

I’ve been addicted to opiates of one kind of another my entire life, minus about 3 years when I discovered I’m also a major league alcoholic.

I started an outpatient detox program on Saturday, it’s an amazing setup and I don’t have to pay a dime for it. I’m taking buprenorphine but no naloxone. I just found some kratom in one of my cupboards and I’m extremely tempted to have some. Why would I want to relapse like this, when I had such an amazing outpatient detox program practically fall in my lap? No legal issues, thankfully, I’m just doing my best to make my life better, not worse. I don’t understand the impulses to use.

#2

The struggle is real.. very real!
There’s no intellectualizing this disease. The last time I detoxed Is now considered unorthodox by many.. not saying that today’s methods don’t work They do and it’s been proven.
I’m personally grateful that I went through what I went through. I sure as heck wouldn’t have said that then though. It’s a small reminder to me “Do ya wanna go through this again Tommy?”

I believe your going through the norm. I truly believe your going about it the right way. Due to the impulse’s and pain I believe your at a point where a decision can be made.. “do I surrender to win or do I go back to that old familiar sting?”
With that sting comes the same old thing “PAIN”
Pain that far exceeds what we feel during detox.
Like I said Chris there are other methods and approaches that have been clinically proven to aid.. just try to remember the word “AID” NOT A REPLACEMENT.

Reality is.. we have another relapse in us but we might not have another recovery! Some don’t make it back to see that recovery. :confused:
I wish you the best Chris..
Regardless substance of addiction I’m sure you’ve gone through worse then a detox. That goes for any of us.. or why else would we be in recovery :man_shrugging:
“How free do you wanna be?”

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